- The Magic of Venus for Healthy Relationships -

Every year around Valentine’s Day we take a new look at the Lover archetype as we play it on the stage of Life. Over the next three days, we’ll examine different factors affecting what we’re attracted to, and how our past, our karma, and our subconscious mind affect what we like and why we like it. So let’s take a new look at why we attract who we attract and see the larger spiritual context of those relationships.

I’ve offered you this material for many years, occasionally adding to what’s already there. And since I originally composed these, I’ve released a big book on the subject which I’ll link to downstream. That said, let’s take a new look at our attractions and what shapes them.

I view our life experiences as the means by which we evolve through our interactions with others on the 12 frequency zones of human existence. Through our interactions within and without on the material, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels across our personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal dimensions of human life, we come to a greater awareness of ourselves, the people we encounter, and Life itself.

Our interactions show us how aware we are, both of what we need and what we do not need, what we like and what we should not like. Through the understanding of what our relationships are teaching us, we learn what’s healthy for our evolution, and where we no longer need to go.

While many relationships are tough when we aren’t aware of what drives us over time, with patience and understanding, we can consciously create and maintain healthy relationships. And as we find harmony with others who share our values and hopes, we can see our spiritual Self come forth and enjoy the “refuge” of our Spiritual Community while not being thrown off by hurtful interactions.

The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames

I believe happy and healthy relationships are our destiny. These are a product of our willingness to learn who we are and why we want what we want. When we are clear about what we want to attract, then we naturally turn away from inner patterns which attract destructive relationships. I offer all of this and more in The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames. After a lifetime of learning about relationships from astrological, psychological, spiritual, and experiential approaches, I included all I know about how and why we attract others based in our charts, as well as our psychological conditioning related to the energetic responses we’ve learned in our dances with countless others throughout our lives.

There are chapters on each sign’s archetypal mate qualities, and how our Venus position predisposes us to like some things and people and not others. There are sections on our emotional cycles profoundly affecting us at key junctions where fate and free will intersect, how to recognize unhelpful attractions and seductions, and how to maintain our personal power in the face of people who aren’t good for us.

As clear affirmations often bring us the best that is true for us, I included affirmations for each Sun/Venus combination which clarifies the perfect mate to attract. Throughout the book, there are hundreds of astrological, psychological, and spiritual gems to help you become clear about how to attract true friends and Soul Mates, and maybe your Twin Flame.

This work helps readers to focus on what is true, good, and beautiful, both within and without. By consciously seeking healthy relationships with those we could love and who could love us, we naturally attract people who will be good to us and for us. (This is addressed in the section “The Square of Right Relations.”) When we are with people who are good to us and for us, those are the friends we could have for life.

There’s an entire section devoted to Soul Mates, how to recognize them, and the important roles they play in our personal and interpersonal evolution. The book gives the reader the power to re-shape their likes in order to live a more fulfilling life in more joyous relationships.

The Art and Science of “Right Relationships”

According to a series of profound spiritual works, “Right Relationship” is a necessity, a goal, and a foundation of the New Age emerging these next decades. To find healthy relationships we need to examine the nature of love, affection, boundaries, loyalties, seduction, and courtship. When we understand what healthy interactions might look and feel like, we can identify and replace unloving patterns inside us as well as in outer relationships. As we replace unloving patterns with loving patterns, we begin to BE the love we seek, with our Lover archetype expressing the miracle of higher Love we are.

The Spiritual Master known as D.K. (or “The Tibetan”) has written that understanding and living "Right Relationships" is one of the most important things all of us learn throughout our lives, as they offer us opportunities to find and live our highest Self. All our relationships mirror who we are and what we’re learning at any given point in life. Our relationships are how we find greater self-awareness by showing us our limits, our boundaries, our enthusiasms, and what we are and are not attached to as we do ten thousand dances with others.

What we say “yes” to and what we say “no” to brings us current and future lessons on every level of life. Whether difficult or easy, we are learning to understand our part to play in each moment. Through what we get wrong, we can change dysfunctional or inadequate responses to better ones through choosing a different way. Through what we get right, we acquire skills and insights so we can creatively build healthy inner and outer relationships.

Every significant relationship we’ve had opened doors so we could understand our lower self and our Higher Self and how healthy our Lover archetype is. As we move through various experiences, we can feel when our Higher Self is expressing and experiencing a loving interaction, or when something’s wrong which needs to be addressed.

Because none of us were born perfect with perfect role models, we have to go through a lot of trial and error in relationships. If we want to learn what’s right for us, we have to recognize the unhealthy desires and assumptions of our lower self and consciously replace what we don’t want with what we do want. Every relationship shows us our attachments to perceptions, as well as any residual unhelpful patterns left over from old relationships.

Watching the helpful and unhelpful patterns as they arise and disappear over time gives us a broader understanding and a variety of perspectives. By reflecting on our growth from unhealthy to healthy responses, we can understand why we were attracted to certain people and situations and can change our patterns in order to have a happier and more fulfilling life. We’re here to fulfill our “urge to merge,” but the trick is to find the right mergers!

Navigating the Pleasure-Pain Duality

While we all would like to be comfortable retreating into our “shell of personality” and never leaving our private echo chamber and house of mirrors, life requires that we get out into the world and interact with all kinds of people. These interactions yield a combination of pleasurable as well as painful experiences. While we often learn the easy way through pleasure, we also can learn the hard way if we don’t know when “enough is enough.”

Many times painful experiences happen because we don’t really know or understand the rules another is operating from. One of life’s great Truths is that we have no control over how others will or will not act, and therefore should not assume responsibility for how another behaves. However, that doesn’t absolve us from noting the patterns in play and changing our relationship to those patterns. When we see unhealthy patterns repeating things we’ve already gone through, then it’s time to change the ones that aren't good for us.

We all like pleasurable experiences with others. Of course, given individual differences, we seldom find anyone we are totally compatible with. Most of us have a mixture of similarity and differences with others. How we navigate the differences generates dynamic interactive harmony, or friction and disharmony.

Because of everything we’ve gone through, we’ve all got attitudes and beliefs which we bring to our interactions. Obviously, some attitudes are helpful, while others are hurtful. Every interaction shapes our attitude in countless ways, which then shapes our future interactions.

If we want to attract better relationships, we have to become aware of our preconceptions, since they condition our attitude toward others. It’s also good to investigate the nature of projection, since many tend to attribute their own qualities to others, whether those qualities are there or not. I’ll discuss projection later in this series. I will offer that when we realize we’re in the presence of a true Spiritual sister or Brother, our projections fall away like shadows in sunlight and we’re free to be the highest Being we can be.

Who Are You And Why Do You Want What You Want?

If we want healthy relationships, we have to set aside ego demands and assumptions, opening the door to a higher, better potential. Obviously, it helps to be clear about that higher potential, but usually it takes time for what we want to appear because we have to improve ourselves in some way before “the Beloved” can make their appearance. However, the more we operate from the Higher rather than the lower self, we become clear who’s on what wavelength, as well as who wants to be on our wavelength and who doesn’t.

What we’re aware of, individually and together, and how we respond to opportunities to dance with each other influences our experience with them. It’s why taking a look at “what brought us to the dance" and how we came to be there to begin with helps us remember why we’re there and what we can bring out of the experience. When we know how we entered that relationship, we can see the patterns inside us which may need to be changed or improved. When we know why we’re dancing with someone, then we have the power to be as we need to be.

Of course, people being who they are, sometimes we find that things and people who once brought us pleasure now bring painful experiences in any number of ways. It may or may not be personal or avoidable, and sometimes it’s not the "fault" of one or the other. Sometimes things happen for a reason, but other times they just happen, and we have to do the best we can in that moment. Each challenge in our relationship demonstrates the willingness of both to move forward in mutually satisfying ways, and be clear and kind in expressing hopes for the future.

Sometimes what is painful to one is not to the other. Sometimes two beings have become more disharmonious than harmonious for any number of reasons because they have evolved beyond whatever brought them to the relationship to begin with. We are constantly moving through countless life experiences in a dozen realms which shape our attitudes. Life goes on, and we all grow in ways we never expected. To quote a wise One, “The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on….”

Regardless of what has happened in the past, we can learn to move toward better relationships which promise a greater sense of fellowship and happiness. While we often can’t just walk away from people who have meant a lot to us, all relationships are leading us to an honest self-awareness which allows us to change old patterns of acting, feeling, and speaking into something more satisfying.

As we cultivate lines of communication, exploring where each other is at, we find mutual interests we have in common, as well as the limits of where we are completely different. In my own experience it’s evident that at some point all couples have to see whether they still have mutual areas in common, or have grown apart and are moving on trajectories which will never intersect again.

Many people we get close to remain our friends even though we’ve both moved on. Other people are our friends for a while, and then we both walk on into separate futures. Simply because we've danced with a Being for a while, even years, doesn't mean we're supposed to dance with them indefinitely. Different seasons of life require different ways of living, different skills and realizations, and different people bring out different parts of our inner nature.

I’ve also found that as we maintain relationships with those who share our Heart Fire we become stronger and more loving over the years. When we have found our Spiritual Brothers and Sisters, true friends and Soul mates, we always find a greater Love and Wisdom. This happens even though others may preoccupy our attention so we both can develop what we need to at that juncture of our life.

Examining what we experience as we meet new people helps us understand what’s right and/or not right in our existing relationships. The dance between the desires of our lower self and the Love of our Higher Self is endless to the degree we stay open to meeting other people.

As we move through a variety of experiences we are given the opportunity to find a deep and well-rounded understanding of “Right Relationship.” All relationships show us what our ego thinks we are, and also reveals to our Consciousness where we’re at in our evolution.

As this series has grown in size over the years with new material added each year, we’ll close for now. Tomorrow we’ll explore how karma, attractions, and seductions influence our growth, our choices, and reveal our ability to choose conscious Soul Mate relationships, turning away from superficial and manipulative people. In part 3, we’ll complete the journey by expanding our knowledge of the Lover archetype, how our subconscious mind works in the projection and seduction process, and take a look at the origins of Valentine’s Day.

Again, you can find a lot of material related to what I’ve just given you in The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames, so please consider getting your copy today. Your relationships will begin to change for the better as you embrace the journey of "Right Relationship" with yourself, others, and the world.

See Part 2 Here!

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Robert Wilkinson. Copying this article to other blogs is strictly prohibited. It is copyright protected. 

© Copyright 2025 Robert Wilkinson

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