Why We All Crave Unconditional Love

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Tuesday, 24 September 2024

Written by Alue K. Loskotová

Unconditional love is so vastly different from the love we're used to that most of us don't even really know what it is.

Most "love" these days is not true love, but various forms of infatuation, lust, affinity, affection, codependency, or egoistic need.

True love is rare and extremely valuable. The moment you experience true unconditional love is the moment you feel completely accepted, understood and loved just as you are.
This feeling is the most beautiful and the most liberating. Unconditional love is the true healing force in the universe.

Yet overall we are starved of love. One of the saddest views is of a being who receives no love. And we've all seen it somewhere or experienced it ourselves.

However, unconditional love is available in every moment of our lives, no matter where we are or what we are doing.

Unconditional love is not so much about accepting and putting up with each other. It's about making a deep promise to never, under any circumstances, present a false truth about who we really are.

Unconditional love basically means loving someone or something without any conditions. In other words, no matter what another person says, does, feels, thinks or believes, we still love them unconditionally. Unconditional love can also be felt for animals and can be evoked by emotions and thoughts. Most importantly, we can give unconditional love directly to ourselves in the form of self-love. The more we are able to love ourselves unconditionally, the better equipped we are to love others in the same way.

This principle is reflected in the famous words of Jesus: "Love your neighbor as yourself" and other enlightened masters such as Lao Tzu, who said: "When you accept yourself, the whole world will accept you.“

Conditional love is the complete opposite of unconditional love. Unrequited love is not really "love" in the true sense of the word because it comes from the ego, not the heart. Unlike unconditional love, which is completely free, conditional love must be “earned“.

When this false form of love is earned, only then is affection, respect and kindness given.

While unconditional love requires nothing from the other to be, conditional love is only given when something is received.

”I will love you only if …(you do this, say that, provide this, make me feel a certain way…)“

Conditional love is inherently selfish and ego-centered. Tit fights only as long as certain unspoken rules are observed or fulfilled. Some of the most common unspoken rules underlying conditional love are:

I will only love you if you make me feel good about myself.
I will love you only if you maintain your attractive appearance.
I will only love you if you are successful and popular.
I will love you only if you have a good career.
I will only love you if you do as I say.
I will only love you if you believe what I believe.
I will only love you if you continue to support my bad habits.
I will only love you if you give me money.
I will only love you if you are great in bed.
I will only love you when I have control over you.
I will only love you if I approve of your life choices.
I will only love you if you behave yourself.
I will love you only if you sacrifice something for me.
I will only love you if you abandon your dreams.
I will only love you if you love me.

Conditional love is a recipe for failure and unhappiness. In relationships with partner, children, family, friends and parents can all be interspersed with conditional love. We all know these kinds of shallow relationships. Let's face it, at some point in our lives (maybe even right now) we've given out conditional love ourselves.

Unconditional love is at the heart of what we as human beings seek in life. Studies have shown that without love and affection, infants either develop severe cognitive and psychological dysfunction or die.

Unconditional love is not only essential to our physical, emotional and mental health, but is also vital to our spiritual well-being.

Most people don't realize they have a resource unconditional love within. We tend to believe that love is found in the external world, in some person, animal, place, or state of being. It is imperative that we learn how to access unconditional love because without it we wither and sink into despair. This desperation can lead us to enter into relationships that hurt us, sacrifice our dreams for others, and sabotage our happiness because of our need for external approval. Unconditional love is the only thing in the universe that can truly help us experience the joy, freedom, acceptance, and peace we so long for.

One does not have to earn or prove unconditional love. It is timeless and infinite. If you want to learn how to experience unconditional love, you have to be willing to change some of your habits. Here are some powerful ways to experience unconditional love for yourself and others:

Whenever you experience an emotion you don't like, accept it. Don't reject her
From childhood, our environment teaches us to avoid and suppress destructive or uncomfortable emotions at all costs. Yet hiding these emotions only causes them to build up Shadow Self.

Why We All Crave Unconditional Love

Practice accepting how you feel instead of trying to forcefully stop your emotions or artificially force yourself to be happy. Honor your emotions for what they are and the message they bring.

Practice mindfulness and connect with your body

You feel sore, tired, stiff, tense? Observe the sensations in your body without judgment. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to relax as you do so. By being an observer of your body and allowing it to do whatever it feels, you can access deeper levels of inner peace.

Accept even your worse thoughts and habits

Remember that it is normal to struggle with destructive thoughts and habits. The important thing to remember is that these thoughts and habits don't define you - you have them, you accept them, but you don't have to identify with them. Embrace your tendency to be gloomy at times, because this will help you discover what you need and what you need to work on. Even self-hatred is an opportunity to forgive yourself and practice unconditional self-love.

Ask yourself, “I am setting conditions in this relationship?“

Be honest. Are someone else's behavior or beliefs preventing you from loving them? It's okay to feel anger and sadness towards another person, but to withhold your love because of it is a whole different story. What can you do to open your heart to the people in your life??

Give something to someone without asking for anything in return

You can practice this every day. For example, you can give a compliment, do someone a favor, let someone go ahead of you in line, or provide some other form of help that brightens the other person's day.

Be aware of the triggers that cause you to shut down internally

Triggers are wounds within us that have not yet healed. Pushing the trigger causes us to react with anger, isolation and even hatred.

By paying attention to what triggers your trigger buttons, you will develop a stronger self-awareness. The more self-aware you are, the more you can practice self-love and forgiveness towards others as well.

Forgive others (and yourself) and set yourself free

Forgiveness is primarily an act of freeing oneself from the past. You don't forgive another to be a righteous saint. You forgive to release the burden of resentment from your heart.
Think about the resentment you may be holding within you right now. What can you do to find peace through forgiveness? But don't forget to forgive yourself.

Love yourself and others exactly as they are

Unconditional love means accepting all the good and the bad about yourself and others. Remember that no one is perfect and no one can ever be perfect. Life is a constant journey of growth. Don't love others based on how they look or what they do.

Love a person exactly as they are at that moment, simply because they deserve to be loved. The same advice applies to you: embrace all pain, hurt and imperfection. Love it all, unconditionally.

Image and Translation by CrystalWind.ca