Yesterday we introduced some astrological factors in marriage and how outer planet placements may affect our relationships, as well as how we turn the wheel to examine second, third, and even fourth marriages. Today we’ll take a look at “attraction factors” in our psyche and astrological chart.

As I noted in part 1, because more people are marrying more than once in their lives, analyzing our attractions and potential for marriage involves more than just looking at the 7th house, its ruler, and any planets which may be in there. As Venus rules our attractions, an important factor in who we attract and when is shaped by how our experiences helped our Venus “attraction factor” evolve from one set of likes to an entirely different set of likes.

As We Evolve Our Planetary Expressions and Attractions Evolve

We can get a sense of how our various planets are evolving in our lives, leaving old attractions behind as we attract new forms of what we like, by remembering that “planets are people.” All the inner qualities of our birth planets externalize as many people in our lives as we evolve. When we outgrow one form of our planetary expressions, we move on to the next level of learning about that expression.

The evolution of our planetary expressions is seen by our inner and outer changes. At one chapter, we like X and do not like Y. Then we like A but not B. We may or may not ever come around to liking something we don’t like, but it is inevitable that all we like will take on many forms throughout our life.

As we change, how our Moon, or Saturn, or Sun express their energies is part of the Mystery of our unfolding Self-realization. By our attractions to many people who embody our planetary energies we come to know ourselves, and by seeing what we need to realize about others, we understand the evolving dance of our lower self with our Higher Self.

We work out how our planets manifest through our life choices. We have our inner responses to our planetary triggers which project their energy into our world. And like the proverbial stone thrown into the pond, once the ripples hit the edge of the field, they inevitably return to center. That’s why it’s good to be aware of what we’re putting out there, and choose carefully how we want to express our higher qualities since that affects the people and opportunities we attract.

All our relationships fulfill certain planetary positions and patterns in our charts. As we move from relationship to relationship, our journey shows us how we invited that energy into our lives, and what motivated that attraction. Those who embrace that adventure of discovery ultimately find the gift of objectivity.

The Magic of Venus Brings Us What We Want As Well As What We Don’t Want

From my psychological studies and observations, as well as my direct experience, I have come to accept that our first marriage is usually a hope and a dream involving a lot of projection of images (conscious and unconscious) based in cultural expectations learned from our family and social matrix. The family and social matrix in which we’re born and raised is a powerful program in all our consciousness, and dominates our subconscious mind until we choose to become conscious and throw off the chains of mental slavery created by our attachment to values and behaviors which no longer fit us. You can find out more about the influence of the family and cultural matrix, and how to identify patterns which you can eliminate to create a better life by consulting my book Saturn: Spiritual Master, Spiritual Friend.

So while a first marriage is heavily influenced by our family and social learned patterns, they can still succeed if each finds their way individually and together. However, many first marriages fail based in subconscious expectations cannot be fulfilled, or the experience gives us the awareness that we are strangers with very little in common.

It’s also fairly well established that a second marriage is often a reaction to, and compensation for, what was and was not fulfilled in the first. While we still have projections, we also have experience of knowing that certain energies are clues about behaviors and attitudes which move each of us toward or away from "the other" through the tiny self-redefinitions we do as a marriage develops.

I discuss the factors of the family and cultural matrix, the subconscious mind, seductions, and clues to healthy and unhealthy factors in any relationship in my book The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames. Written from an astrological, psychological, spiritual, and experiential view, it offers guidelines for how to transmute our “attraction factor” away from unhealthy people so we can attract friends and Soul Mates on our evolutionary dance through life. A key factor is that cultivating a friendship is essential to a healthy relationship of any sort, especially when it comes to marriage. The book will be a handy reference to help you target healthy and unhealthy patterns, and change difficult relationships to better ones.

My Own Experience

I’ve certainly seen how my own attractions have changed radically over my long life! And through years of self-reflection, I’ve come to understand the power of what we project to bring us what we believe we’re looking for, or a compensation for what we haven’t known.

I was totally unconscious in choosing my first wife. After a rude awakening some months down the road, it was clear that we didn’t speak the same language, didn’t have the same hopes and dreams, and there was no putting Humpty Dumpty back together again, since our value systems diverged with no possibility of ever coming back into harmony.

While the breakup was difficult, I tried to let go with as much grace as possible, since there’s no point in getting ugly with someone I loved but couldn’t be with. I also realized as I detached from the idea of us “being together” there was no way I would ever be attracted to someone like that in the future. So I walked on…..

After a period of reflection and a few more “should I or shouldn’t I” relationships which each fell flat because neither of us was fulfilling what we wanted in a partner, I chose my next marriage for all the right reasons. Still, there were similarities between my first wife and my second wife, both astrologically and other ways, that made it clear this was a related type of energy.

The second fulfilled everything I never dreamed of in the first, but after some years, due to forces literally beyond our control, we parted. I came to understand that sometimes loving each other isn’t enough to keep things from going off the rails due to unexpected events which throw life to the winds.

I then had a girlfriend who was like a previous girlfriend and it brought me face to face with some very destructive patterns in my subconscious mind. I began a period of looking back at every wife and girlfriend I ever had which revealed both healthy patterns as well as unhealthy patterns within me which absolutely needed to change. I then began to change many patterns consciously so that I would break the habit of wanting certain traits. I consciously refused certain old “tendencies of attraction,” and was willing to “sit with the emptiness” until my energetic field was cleared.

That ultimately led me to entirely new types of relationships. Those people looked differently, thought differently, and behaved differently than those I had been with before.

Then those potentials played themselves out, and I found myself again examining my relationship patterns to see what needed to change and what didn’t. Over time, my choices have brought me to where I’m at right now.

Changing Patterns to Craft Conscious Connections

As inner patterns fulfill themselves, we choose to perpetuate them or not, and whether we’re aware of this or not, move in new directions as new people and experiences present themselves in our Hero’s Journey. In the final analysis, we have to take responsibility for what we choose, whether actively or passively, and why we chose to play out certain patterns.

Once we stop projecting our wants and needs on to others, and examine why we believe we want something and what purpose that serves, then we can begin to step back from unconscious patterns and begin to craft “the art of our life.” When we realize what has been fulfilled, whether good, bad, or ugly, then we can shift to a new way of seeing the best potential.

Here we cannot afford to get stuck in comfortable assumptions. As our lives and relationships evolve, neither we nor others are the same people as we were back when we met. As a Great One once wrote, The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on: nor all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash out a word of it. That’s why there’s no point in going certain places, and no point in saying certain things, even when we’re right and it’s true. Wounding another will never get us the love we want.

By observing “that which moves and that which doesn’t,” we can come to know whether we and/or they are emotionally healthy or operating from unconscious patterns of need, desire, or projections. Of course, not all projections are unhealthy, since the greatest love story on Earth is still a movie that must be played out by the lovers on the stage of Life and appreciated by those who watch and applaud in the theater of Life!

If both in a marriage choose to individuate AND choose to craft an ongoing friendship, then a second (or even third) marriage can succeed in great style. And whenever the friendship ceases, usually it's replaced by indifference, which is a deal breaker in a marriage. I address all this and more in The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames, so if you’re interested in helping yourself and others change your attraction factor to its highest, best expression, please get your copy!

On a final astrological note, by our planetary contacts with others, we become an expression of that Divine Force in their life, and they ours. In becoming that, and witnessing that, we are being led to embrace our Spiritual Self. As we become conscious of how we may best express our planetary energies, we become the Living Light of Love and Wisdom in our world, as well as the radiance of our planets in other people's lives.

Any planetary contact can bring pleasure or pain, bondage or freedom, upheaval or temporary stability, chaos or order. Since life is but a dream, we’re all experiencing a sense of the unreality of our worldly experiences. Allow yourselves to examine the patterns, and how you’ve steered your “ship of personality” from one type of relationships to other types of relationships.

As you see which patterns have moved you between pleasure and suffering, you will come out of being moved by unconscious imagery and have more of a sense of your power to choose your responses to relationship in a conscious way. Then you’re no longer unconsciously accepting others’ projections, nor seeking fulfillment in outer forms. You will be living your Eternal God-Self, which is your eternal state of Being.

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Robert Wilkinson. Copying this article to other blogs is strictly prohibited. It is copyright protected. 

© Copyright 2023 Robert Wilkinson

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