Grey areas, Grocery Aisles, and Hermione Granger: How to navigate life’s ethical quirks.

Ethics is one of those words that sounds so… serious.

In fact, I’ve been known to swipe left on a social media post the moment I saw the word.

The minute someone says it, you picture ancient philosophers in robes, stroking their beards, or corporate executives in a boardroom trying to justify how many ways they’ve bent the rules.

But the subject isn’t as serious and heavy as you might imagine. When I was writing my most recent book (The Joy of Actually Giving a F*ck) I had some fun diving into the subject to explore it more fully and especially how it is relevant in our everyday lives. We just don’t notice.

But first, an example of how it all plays out.

John Valjean and the loaf of bread

Have you ever read or watched Les Miserables? I went to see it for the first time at the Edinburgh Playhouse Theatre when I was 21. The back story is that the main character, Jean Valjean, was jailed for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread. Five years was for stealing the bread and the rest was for attempts to escape.

His need was urgent. His sister’s son was terribly sick and close to death. The boy needed sustenance – like, right now. Valjean judged that the shop owner might not miss a single loaf of bread out of dozens. He intended on paying it back when he had the money.

But to the authorities, his reasons didn’t matter. His punishment was based in the concept of absolute right or wrong, which a set of laws were built upon.

But surely we do need to take reasons into consideration when making judgments. Context is important. Sure, we need laws and rules that we can agree upon so that we can live peacefully. But surely there are times when the ‘letter of the law’ could do with some smudging. After all, not everyone lives with the same set of circumstances and not everyone has the same back story in their lives that has brought them to this point.

It’s easy to judge people from a space of comfort or abundance. But place ourselves in those same circumstances, and our thinking becomes less clear.

Had I lived in Valjean’s time, would I have stolen that loaf if a loved one needed food and was close to death? Perhaps I’d have explained the circumstances to the shop owner and begged if he could donate the bread. But if he said no? While it feels uncomfortable writing the words because stealing is not a thing I do, and I write books on the subject of kindness, yes, I would probably have stolen the loaf, especially if a child’s life depended upon it.

OK, I’d also leave a note explaining the circumstances and promising to pay for it when I have enough money, which I would absolutely determine to do, because I appreciate that the shop owner also has to make a living, and I can’t assume that he or she isn’t struggling too.

I’m thinking Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows right now, where she and Harry were hungry but had no food and little money, so she stole some eggs from a chicken coop, but left a note and a few pennies. Their next move was urgent and the fate of the world was in their hands.

Contextual ethics

Do rules always need to be ‘set in stone’ – so black and white and unbendable – to enable us to retain order and structure in society? Or are there situations where ‘turning a blind eye’ might be the fairer thing to do? Should our rules and laws retain some wiggle room when they’re first written down?

Welcome to the world of contextual ethics, or sometimes also known as ‘situational ethics. It’s about how our sense of right and wrong can shift depending on—you guessed it—the context.

Contextual ethics isn’t just some lofty academic subject. We experience its reaches frequently in our everyday lives.

Because almost anything can be considered from a different viewpoint. Thou shalt not kill. Respect all life. But what about on a battlefield or in the context of acts of terrorism, when stopping an attacker might save millions of lives. Things that at first can appear set in stone become less clear when viewed from a different perspective.

OK, these are more extreme situations which few of us find ourselves in, but we do come across ethical dilemmas all the time.

The Supermarket Dilemma

Let me give you a milder example than that of John Valjean, Hermione Granger, or life on the battlefield. 

You’re in the supermarket. You’re in the queue and the person in front of you has an overflowing cart, three kids hanging off the side, and a look that says they haven’t slept since… ever. And the person in front of that person? Well, I think you get the picture.

You need to get home as quickly as possible because you are waiting on a very important call.

You look at the express lane and it’s basically empty. But, hey, your basket definitely has 11 items in it. The sign says, “10 items or less.”

Now, technically, if you wander into the express lane, you’re breaking the rules and you know it. But in this context? You probably don’t feel like you’re going to ethical jail, do you? You make a judgment call that some rules should be flexible.

That’s contextual ethics in action. You’re making a choice based on your specific situation, not just the rule.

Sometimes, the context matters more than the strict letter of the law. (Just don’t use this excuse for taxes, OK? The tax people do care about the rules.)

Navigating the Workplace

Now, let’s step into the workplace. Imagine you’ve got a co-worker who’s clearly skiving off. Others are having to work harder to pick up the slack. Should you tell your boss? Normally, honesty is the best policy, right? That’s what we’re taught as children. It wouldn’t do if we all skived off.

But what if this co-worker has been going through a rough time at home? Contextual ethics would ask you to consider the bigger picture before you play the office snitch.

And here’s the thing: It’s not about bending the truth or covering for bad behaviour. It’s not even about being a friend. It’s about understanding that people are more complex than any one action. Context can invite empathy into the equation, and that’s what helps us navigate ethical grey areas—whether in the office or in life.

On the road

And what about those times on the motorway when all the traffic is being funneled into one lane? Most drivers are respectful, but one or two zip past all the single lane traffic and try to squeeze in further up. It means everyone else is held up longer.

It really bothers most drivers who are trying to be respectful. The overtakers are clearly being rude and inconsiderate.

But what if the person zipping up the outside lane is trying to get to a hospital appointment, or desperately trying to get to a loved one who is struggling and in a dark place? Should they stop at every car they pass and explain the situation and ask permission to zip in front?

OK, some people who do this are just being an ass. But we can’t assume that everyone is. Some surely have a genuine reason for their behaviour.

Takeaway

So what’s the takeaway in all this? Contextual ethics teaches us that the “right” choice often depends on the circumstances. 

It’s about understanding the broader picture, recognizing the human element in every decision, and yes, sometimes accepting that life is a lot more colorful than a black and white rulebook.

When we embrace contextual ethics, we give empathy a larger say. And that really matters in life. Quite a lot.

Because we become more thoughtful, and—let’s be honest—better at navigating the messy world we live in. 

So there we have it. From now on, if you ever spot someone with 11 items in the express lane, remember: sometimes context matters more than cart limits! You never know their reasons. And if someone zips up the outside in a queue of traffic, take a breath, let it go. You never know when you might need to do the same thing.

Next time you’re facing a tough choice, remember: It’s not always black and white, especially when people are involved. Because every person has a rich back story and a complex current story that you often know little about. 

So dive deep, look at the context, and aim to make decisions with a heart and mind full of kindness and understanding.

Going forward, may all your ethical dilemmas be quirky and fun.

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