As I’ve discovered, self-love is not just a practice but a mindfulness one. 

This means that loving ourselves is not a mere one-time or a short-term exercise; whether we are going for a therapy session, a singing bowl meditation to heal our heart chakra or buying ourselves a branded bag so that we can feel better. 

Self-love is much more than any of these.

Some of us may have the expectation that self-love can happen magically overnight. The truth is that for those of us with trouble loving and accepting themselves unconditionally, it takes consistent work. It’s certainly been my experience.

Over the years, life would throw me a new challenge again and again and due to being triggered, I’d find myself reverting to the same pattern of feeling unlovable and unloved. At first, I felt disappointed and bitter that none of the healing I did appear to have worked. It would seem that doing inner work was pointless. 

Yet, upon review, I realised that my early efforts were sporadic to begin with. Eventually, after seeing how I was caught in repeated patterns, I began to realise that self-love is not going to be an overnight or a one-time healing thing. It finally occurred to me that if I am interested to have enough of a breakthrough, I need to regard self-love as being more of a practice. 

Self-Love as a Mindfulness Practice

Self-love is an inside job. In my book Self-Love Secrets, I shared about engaging our spiritual heart chakra for self-love. The love we feel is towards ourselves. To begin with, it takes a mindfulness practice for us to connect with our inner child whenever we are feeling triggered. 

For healing to happen, we work on letting go of our hurt, sadness and pain. These emotions could be held by our inner child. Any deep work would involve letting go of the subconscious belief of “not good enough” and “unlovable” to “I am lovable” and “I am enough”. Because we have been conditioned to hold negative beliefs about ourselves, making a positive change can take time and effort.  

Self-love is a mindfulness practice where we pay attention to what we are thinking and feeling at deep levels. We are alert to ourselves whenever we go into negative self-talk or whenever we are feeling emotionally depleted. It calls for us to be mindful throughout the day if we are to stop the unhealthy habit of self-criticism and judgment. 

When we create conscious awareness often enough, we are better able to shift the relationship we have on the inside or with our inner child. No longer do we ride on the emotional swing to loving ourselves one day and next day, being in rejection. What’s key is holding on to the energy of love for ourselves (and our inner child) on a consistent basis. We are called to be compassionate and gentle inwards, no matter what happens. 

Some promises that I make to myself…

• I do the mirror work of facing myself even on days when I don’t feel like it.
• I connect with my inner child whenever she is feeling hurt or scared.
• I scan through every part of my body and genuinely accept and love the parts that are imperfect daily.
• I abide by healthy boundaries and not give my power away.
• I undertake healthy choices for mind, body and spirit wellness every day.
• I prioritise investing in my own growth.
• I own my vulnerabilities and accept myself anyway.

Cultivate Tiny Habits for Self-Love Mindfulness Practice

To make self-love a practice, it would help to cultivate its application as a habit. This means planning for activities that support self-love or care into our calendar. 

“Create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but big on impact.” – BJ Fogg, Tiny Habits

For instance, we may decide to schedule meditation, emotional healing or mirror work into our time table on a regular basis. Or we may commit to seeing our therapist or coach for emotional or inner child healing weekly. We may decide to incorporate healthy lifestyle choices and we endeavour to show up authentically. Listening to subliminal audios, reading books and journalling on a consistent basis can also potentially help.

The intention is to prioritise such activities. This means that we stop giving ourselves excuses like “no time” or “later”. We may even have accountability buddies to make sure that we keep these promises to ourselves. Where we are constantly triggered, these incidences serve as red flag that our energy tank is being depleted and that it is time to refuel ourselves with love. 

We are what we repeatedly do. Self-love, as a mindfulness practice, involves the consistent application of tiny habits that enhance mind, body and spirit wellness. I make the practice of healthy self-love a priority and I hope you do too  

Love and Abundance Always, 
Evelyn Lim 
Self-Love Healing Specialist

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