I have always been the peace keeper. The one who does their best to fit in.

The one who doesn’t want to rock the boat to keep it afloat. The one who smoothes the water just before a tsunami erupts so others can live in peace.

Growing up I was usually the buffer between siblings, often to my own detriment. During my marriage I was always looking for clues for what I could do to make things more comfortable for my family. As someone who senses energy, I could often make amends before amends were necessary.

I’ve traveled internationally and lived in foreign countries where I did not speak the language and the customs were unfamiliar to me. I never wanted to be the ugly American who just blustered in with no regard for others. So I researched and asked questions to learn and honor their way of being.

All of this sounds admirable. The way a loving person should be. But the one who was not being loved in this scenario was always me because I had drifted so far away from who I truly am that I did not know who that was anymore.

Was I loved by others for these self-sacrifices?
Perhaps. Perhaps I was loved as the persona I created to fit in: daughter, sister, wife, mother, co-worker, friend, etc. But, I was never my true self. I had become a chameleon. She who changed her colors to fit into a world that was never really hers. So how was anyone able to love a person they did not really know?

Then something shifted. I recall a friend saying, “You’re not the same person when you’re with your husband as you are with us.” Bam! That awareness hit me like an arrow to the heart!

So who was the real me?
The one I presented to my husband, my family, my friends? Was I simply role playing? Or was it all fake? I had given so much of my self away that I didn’t know who I was anymore. Nothing remained. I felt bereft, empty. That began my inward journey of discovery, as the remembrance of my True Self.

I’m sure this story is one most, if not all, of us have experienced. We’ve all sacrificed ourselves to some degree to fit in, to keep the peace, to feel loved.

What I’ve come to realize is that the only true Peace lies within us. Once we drop the facades and love ourselves with all our human foibles, we are at peace as our True Self. We are then at peace with whatever life presents.

Indeed, there will be moments we get triggered by other people or world events.
The old systems are broken and there is a lot of chaos in the world. But, with a deep breath we can settle into the sanctuary of our own inner Peace to speak our truth with compassionate listening. And that Peace radiates outward from our hearts to affect others.

If we disagree with someone, there is no need to go to battle to prove ourselves, or defend our point of view. Nor do we withdraw and pretend it does not exist. Instead, we each have the ability to create anew from the peace within us rather than responding with angst to engender even more turmoil. There is a sacred harmonic of Grace that appears when we are at peace and allow that which is no longer working to dissolve because there is something greater being birthed.

We are the harmonizers, the Keepers of Peace.
We do that by creating anew from the Love and Peace within us.
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~Sharon Lyn Shepard~

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