Let’s begin with expectations.

We are born into families, cultures, religions, subcultures, and social strata that all teach what life is supposed to look like according to their belief systems. These various influences provide a great many details that hypnotize us into believing that the world operates exactly this way. In general, cultures, family belief systems, religion, and social systems do not like to be questioned and use enforcers to make sure that no one does. There are rewards for those who align and punishments for those who do not. In this way our world view is shaped for us when we are very young, vulnerable, and to some degree innocent. Despite the fact that people are of different soul ages and levels of sophistication, the mores are quite strict and have a hold on people throughout their adolescence and well beyond in many cases. This is what Miguel Ruiz refers to as our domestication. What we believe to be the way of things is what also trains us to have expectations that align with the social systems. “I expect that I will grow up and perform the work of my mother or father. I will follow in their footsteps. I will enjoy an upper-class education and will expect to be hired at a good salary. I will date only approved of partners and we will get married and have two or seven children. I will attend the church of my family and vote accordingly.” Or, “We are ghetto people and my dad and older brother are in jail doing hard time. I’ll drop out of school like they did and join a gang, deal drugs, and steal. I probably won’t live long anyway. No one cares about what I do.”

These expectations can become so strong that they actually may manifest in our lives just that way. However, whether these expectations make us happy or fulfilled is another matter. There is no guarantee even though there may be an expectation that they do. You can actively manipulate life to manifest certain outcomes with money, charm, or influence. Daddy can arrange the donation to the big ten university that you don’t have the grades for. You can get a sports scholarship through a fixer for the right amount of cash and so on. However, there is no way to enforce or manipulate inner responses like happiness or joy. They are either naturally there or not.

The problem is that expectations are a product of the false personality, the ego and the ego is not our friend. Essentially it is a parasite that hijacks our lives through the entrainment of social systems. In order to understand this, it is helpful to know that the ego is not personal even though it appears to be. The false personality is a force that impacts and acts on all human beings. Its main tool is fear and its job is to make you afraid and then weaken you with the promise that it will help you not be afraid anymore. The promise is hollow because its solution will actually make you more afraid. For example, the false personality tells you that you are a wimp and no one will respect you. Its solution for you is that you must become a bully and then you won’t be afraid anymore, but that will never make you less afraid, only more so. The false personality lies to you and makes you expect that you will no longer be afraid but it does not work and never will. Most human beings succumb because that is the way we learn over the long run what does not work. The false personality loves to lie and it actively promotes false expectations to control you. This may sound improbable but there is only one circumstance in life wherein having expectations actually works. That is when you expect to receive support from Spirit but it will not come in the form you think it should.

Directives.

Because we have so many expectations, we want to dictate how things are going to turn out, what the path there looks like, who we want to be on that path with, who benefits, and who does not. In a way, we could call these our requirements in life. Our requirements are closely related to what some people call their standards. “I am taking my family to Paris. I want the weather to be excellent – between 70 and 75 degrees with no rain or heavy winds. We are going to stay in five-star hotels. We don’t want any riff raff to mar our trip. The kids are going to cooperate and behave well or else. They will show gratitude. Everyone will have fun and there will be no grumbling or complaining. We will get to the sites early to avoid the crowds. There will be a nap in the middle of the afternoon and then we will enjoy great meals at prime tables in recommended restaurants. In ten days, we will return home in the same lie-flat business seats that we came to Paris in. No one will get sick.” Well, good luck. Maybe it will be that way maybe it won’t. What could go wrong? Well, almost everything. Flights may be delayed or cancelled; luggage lost; teenage children resentful and younger ones sick and wailing; hotel reservations lost and cancelled; whole family sick from food poisoning; transportation strikes interrupting planned outings, naps impossible to take, weather changing to extreme heat and humidity with monsoon rains; city wide power outages, internet down, relative dies suddenly at home, and so on. Since these are the plans designed by ego with no consideration of Spirit or essence intervention, you can almost predict disaster. You can see that these directives are closely aligned with ego expectations which are always laden with fear. “What if it does not happen the way I want!” The small self says, “It must be this way because I am a winner and I expect winning experiences every time, every place. I expect the world to conform to my plans including all members of my family. If this does not happen correctly, I will have a screaming fit and everyone will understand my displeasure and jump to rectify it. This is my world.” Ha! What you actually mean is that you are scared shitless that you are not in control of the world.

That is not the way things really happen, by demanding and directing life as if it were a play. In fact, it is the way to have it not work out very well. Why? Because the small self has little or no real power. It is a petty tyrant at best and life does not cater to petty tyrants in the long run. The most effective approach is to allow what Spirit has in mind to take over and this could be very different from what the personality demands. Because of a delayed flight you end up sitting next to a stranger whose conversation changes your life in some meaningful way. Because the weather is unseasonably harsh you change your plans and go to a different city where you have no long-term reservations and instead have a spontaneous and wonderful experience there meeting interesting new people and having unplanned and fun adventures. You eat in hole in the wall places and eat unexpectedly good food. You meet people that love your children and invite them to play with their children and they have a wonderful time. You get the idea. Spirit has a different plan to help you learn that there is another way beyond tyranny. That way has to do with aligning with what is, not with what you think is.

So contrary to what most people think, it is best to let go of expectations and directives both. Stop narrowing down the possibilities to one set of actions and stop demanding that it always be the way your small self wants it because your small self doesn’t know anything. It is merely following a script given to it in childhood before you had any discernment and before you were able to make choices for yourself. I can already hear the outrage, the resistance, the arguments to the contrary; however, believe it or not, life can be extraordinary without having any expectations and without making any directives about how you want it to be. The only condition for this is to put the golden line of your life in the hands of Spirit and agree to accept whatever comes.

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