•  
A+ A A-

Learning to be angry

Learning to be angry

Anger is the emotion I struggle with. Other people’s anger can drop me into a state of panic. My own anger frightens me as well. For much of my life what’s happened is that I’ve managed to feel it – anything from crossness onwards – for perhaps a minute or two, and then it crumbles away into despair, or turns around and becomes self hatred. I’ve spent too long in spaces where everything was always my fault, and getting angry would only have made things more dangerous. When you can’t safely express dislike in a calm way, you certainly can’t lose your temper.

I’ve carried the fear that if I did get angry, it would be like the crushing experience of other people being angry with me. I would become what I loathe and fear. Horror in response to my own anger has kept me from looking at those feelings.

Anger has a lot of protective qualities, and I’ve seen that in other people. Anger can be a fair response, defending boundaries and pushing back against injustice. These are aspects of anger that I need in my life. In my history, their absence made me more vulnerable.

I’ve had two powerful experiences with anger recently. One came as a response to the heady mix of entitlement and wilful ignorance – a man who wanted to talk to me about how hard it is being heterosexual. I had an intense rage response, which I did not manifest and pointed out that queer people are subject to violence and ostracism and he isn’t… and when he tried to argue with me, I walked out. Feeling like being straight makes you ‘uncool’ is not the same as fearing physical violence. I did not stay to be wound up by him, or to waste energy trying to educate him. I did not support his view of himself as a victim – I’ve seen him try to do this before.

My second round with anger was brief and more nuanced. I was decidedly angry about something, and that anger enabled me to say a clear ‘no’ where previously I might have had trouble holding my boundaries. That of itself was both useful and powerful. It took me about half an hour to stop being angry, and then a whole bunch of things became visible – that I could see the other person had acted in error, not malice, and that no great damage had been done. I could also see that by holding my boundaries I had not only protected myself, but the other person as well – if we’d played out that mistake there would have been distress all round. I avoided that.

Protective anger has the scope to protect everyone in a situation. Anger is not an inherently unreasonable emotion – it’s taken me a long time to see that. It isn’t innately destructive. It certainly isn’t always a bad thing.

I’m going to be making more space for the quieter part of the anger spectrum – for crossness, frustration, annoyance, irritation and things of that ilk. I’m going to make sure I hold them carefully when they show up and that I look at them properly. I’m going to include them in my decision-making. Anger does not make me a terrible person. So long as I’m dealing with decent people, there should be room for getting irritable, annoyed and frustrated, and dealing with it appropriately – not with tantrums and power games, but with reasonable expression of what’s felt, moving towards making whatever changes are necessary.

Emotionally speaking, I have a whole new landscape to explore, and I think it’s one that will benefit me greatly.

Credit

druid life

About Nimue Brown

Druid, author, dreamer, folk enthusiast, parent, wife to the most amazing artist -Tom Brown. Drinker of coffee, maker of puddings.
Credit: druidlife.wordpress.com
Source Here

Pin It

Liked this article? Dive deeper into personal growth and wellness! Check out CrystalWind.ca for spiritual wisdom or explore AromaWorx.ca for natural well-being tips. Spread the positivity—share this with friends on their happiness journey!

Let’s Chat! Drop Your Thoughts Below! Scroll down to comment

Keep CrystalWind.ca free—your gift matters now!
Help us spread light today. Thank you, supporters!

Follow this blog

Thank You for Visiting CrystalWind!

We’re honored to be part of your journey.

Share your thoughts at .

Let’s grow together!

The Crystal Wind Oracle App
Shatter Illusions – Gain Clarity Now!
Instant Access On:
Apple | Android | Amazon
New! 53-Card Deck for Deeper Wisdom

Imagine a world of inspiration and healing, free for all—made possible by YOU!
Donate Now—Ignite the Magic at CrystalWind.ca!

Support CrystalWind.ca Today!

Unlock Your Light: Join Lightworkers Worldwide on CrystalWind.ca!

Call For Writers

Call For Writers!

Follow Us!

 

Who is Online Now

We have 34014 guests and no members online

Featured This Month

Page:

Sun in Aries: Unleash Your Power!

Sun in Aries: Unleash Your Power!

Aries March 21 through April 20 An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristics for A... Read more

The Time of No Time: Beltane!

The Time of No Time: Beltane!

Around the medicine wheel of life we go, from season to season (solstice to ... Read more

Eudialyte: Your Aries Power Stone Revealed!

Eudialyte: Your Aries Power Stone Revealed!

Eudialyte Birthstone: Aries Planet: Mars Element: Fire Chakra: Heart Eud... Read more

Beltane

Beltane

Beltane Ritual Celebrated May 1st Beltane is also known as May Day, Walpurg... Read more

Aries

Aries

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20 Spirit: Adventurous, courageous Read more

Green Aventurine

Green Aventurine

The Emotional Balancer Stone Green Aventurine is perhaps the best balancing... Read more

Hematite

Hematite

The Grounding Stone With its iron content, hematite has a strengthening inf... Read more

Budding Trees Moon: Medicine Wheel Insights!

Budding Trees Moon: Medicine Wheel Insights!

Red Hawk - Fire Opal - Dandelion - Yellow March 21 – April 19 The Budding Tr... Read more

Aries Mythology: Discover the Secrets

Aries Mythology: Discover the Secrets

The Mythology of Aries When we dive into the mythology of Aries, we need to... Read more

Bloodstone

Bloodstone

The Blood Energizer Stone The combined colours of bloodstone allow it to fu... Read more

Bright Beltane Blessings!

Bright Beltane Blessings!

The wheel turns to Beltane, also known as Mayday, marking the beginning of S... Read more

Diamond

Diamond

The King of all Stones The diamond symbolizes wisdom and enlightenment, pur... Read more

Birth Totem Falcon: Are You a Natural Leader…

Birth Totem Falcon: Are You a Natural Leader?

Birth Totem Falcon Birth dates: March 21 – April 19 Birth Totem is: Falcon... Read more

The Crystal Wind Oracle Card Deck

The Crystal Wind Oracle Card Deck

The Crystal Wind Oracle™ The Crystal Wind Oracle Myth & Magic Card D... Read more

Dandelion: The Surprising Power of this Medi…

Dandelion: The Surprising Power of this Medicine Wheel Plant!

Reminds you of the abundance life holds. Gender: Masculine Planet: Jupiter E... Read more

 

 

X

Right Click

No right click