This morning I went for an oil change. I go to the dealership even though my warranty on my Hyundai expired awhile ago. It cost only $6.00 because I bought a lifetime voucher for oil changes. They provide great service, and even wash the car afterward. The only problem is the ride is a bit long for me, and these days I don’t feel that safe going outside my comfort zone.

I’ve been feeling a sense of vulnerability unlike any other time in my life. 

it’s no secret that this transformation from human to divine human has been arduous on our body, mind and life in general. Everything feels as if it is breaking down, or falling apart.  It can be frightening to the mind, who feels like it’s not doing its job keeping everything together.

Its job has been to keep us safe, and now it feels like it has lost control. Which may be the hardest thing to deal with in our embodied integration. 

After all, in our old 3D life we worked hard to keep things together.  Or, at least that was the illusion.

Many of us have noticed that our minds don’t work like they used to. We forget things, why we walked into a room, what we were just thinking, and have to keep checking to make sure we have what we need before leaving the house, whether it’s our phone, or wallet.

I took the trouble to dig out a cabin air filter from the closet for my car so they could replace the old one for me, and I left it home on the kitchen counter in plain sight.

I was not happy about that because it means another trip down town in the near future.

But, as uncomfortable as it is, there is a purpose to the mental fog.  As our mind integrates with our soul, and light body, it’s essential that we release the memories of the past that have to do with fear, guilt or shame.  And when we do recall our past it will no longer be infused with those heavy emotions.

And that’s because our soul has transformed them for us, and has kept the wisdom of those experiences.  

And even the every day things we forget, like names, or birthdays, or appointments. Or cabin filters.  Rest assured they are not life altering.  We will remember what we need to in the now moment.  That’s the way our life will be lived in the new energy.  

And that’s going to be challenging for the mind, with its need to plan and control things.  A new kind of recall is being created. One in which we use our instincts more than logic.  We will be following our inner senses.  There is a reason we are becoming more sensitive.

Sometimes things happen that don’t seem logical.  Or we have an urge to do something that goes against logic or common sense. We need to trust that.  

My friend at the cafe often says that people were more logical in the past, that now they are doing things that are illogical and that’s why there is the chaos and radicalism we see in the world.  But I contend that most people don’t make decisions based in logic, but on emotion, and they always have.  Many decisions are made from a place of fear and lack, which are emotions generated from the mind.

How many people love their jobs?  They work at jobs that rob them of their spirit because they don’t believe that money and resources can flow to them easily.

How many people exercise and eat certain foods because they enjoy it?  Many people over-exercise and scrutinize their food because they believe they are prey to illness otherwise.  They have fallen out of trust with their body and its natural ability to process all types of food.

The primary reason for illness is due to deep belief systems.  And also the body has its own consciousness and holds onto emotional wounds, from this and other lifetimes.

This transformation is taking care of all of that, albeit too slowly for our liking.  But if it’s done too fast we are at risk of destroying the body.  And the mind.

I have run out of patience many times with this process, but I am beginning to see how important it is to take it slow. The body especially is based in the past, and isn’t going to handle rapid change well.

Our body wants change as much as we do, but like our mind, it’s fearful of anything new. It resist it. 

This morning  I really didn’t want to go downtown, and I could have cancelled the appointment.  But I also thought how nice it would be to have the car serviced and washed.  I breathed into the fear, and allowed my soul to take it for me.

My mind still wrestled with it anyway, worrying about traffic and potential rain….I don’t like driving in the rain….but it all went well, and the car drives much better now.

I was becoming concerned that my fears and vulnerability around this transformation were keeping me from venturing into anything new or outside my comfort zone. (Article continues after photo)

DESSERT SHOULD BE DESSERT

And the same goes for our physical body.  I’m allowing myself more latitude with foods I like but would resist in the past.  Even things like sugar.  I was always very careful about my sugar consumption because I was concerned about blood sugar issues.

But more and more I allow myself delicious gooey deserts.  In the past I would try to concoct them using dried fruit, plain yoghurt, and a little piece of dark chocolate.  Which was nice.  But then I decided that I wanted the full experience of dessert.  I wanted chocolate cake, ice cream and cookies, whatever my heart desires.

I decided my body can handle it in moderation, and it has.

A couple of months ago I had symptoms of a bladder infection.  I went to the doctor and was prescribed an antibiotic.  They said I also had a vaginal bacterial infection, and prescribed an antibiotic for that.

I tried both, first one, then the other, and nothing worked.  One made me ill. Then I tried a natural supplement, oil of oregano, which used to work but no longer does.  

I reached a point where I decided to let it all go.  No antibiotics, no supplements.  No special diet.  None of that felt right to me anymore.  And as scary as it felt, I decided to just give it over to my soul.  

The infections cleared up on their own, and I have stopped worrying about them or about my diet.

Doctors and medications have their place, and each of us knows when they are appropriate.  And that’s all we need to do here, is just trust.

I have reached a place in this transformation where I am tired of trying to figure out my health.  I just ain’t got it in me anymore. It’s a surrender, and it’s scary because my body feels weird and symptomatic at times.  But now I trust that it’s all part of the process, and that labeling or diagnosing it just keeps it stuck in that pattern.

Sometimes I’m scared that my body will just fall apart.  Sometimes I feel that way about my car.  We feel something different, we hear something in the car….we go into a bit of a panic.  It takes trust in our own soul at that point.  Trust that it’s being taken care of on levels we do not or need not understand.

It’s a huge shift we are going through.  It will take more time.