From the outside, being newly retired and being under lockdown for the Coronavirus are the same thing.

In both, you get to sleep in. I’ve kept up with my cleaning, I’m cooking more homemade and sometimes fancy meals, go for walks with my dog, stay up late, binge on TV shows and movie series, and continue to search for my circadian rhythm.

Sounds perfect, doesn’t it? It was all I wanted when I was putting in full days behind the computer.

But under the surface they feel different. They are different.

And it all comes down to one’s interpretation of personal freedom.

I have a lot of that under lockdown. My husband has to still go to work at night, so I’m alone 3-4 evenings a week, so that has turned into my personal time. Writing, wandering, reading, lower-energy things for evening time. I take naps, text and call friends, research books, and binge on the Ming Dynasty if I want.

But I don’t feel free.

Retirement meant going out and meet friends for coffee whenever I wanted. It meant getting a little more active in my community, joining groups like the local Art Alliance and going to a meeting or two. Being retired meant running to the store for bling supplies mid-task or stopping by my grandkids house Saturday mornings for a playtime or two. It meant taking off for a couple of days and visiting a new place or a week off at the cabin.

Now I’m not free to do any of those things. 

Believe me, my staying at home mode is more me than the governor’s decree. I’m a little older, a little slower, and have had my share of medical scares. I am not going to jeopardize my future with my kids and friends and my blogging friends by hanging where the virus may be lurking. 

I want this virus to go away. I want my friends and family and even people I don’t know to stay healthy and not be affected by it. I don’t want to accidentally spread it nor accidentally get it.

Bur I want chocolate shakes with friends and evenings with music to be on my schedule, not some virus’s. I want to be that retired person who has ten times more things to do than when I worked in the world. I want to pop into the store to buy something fresh for dinner and throw parties for my family and volunteer at the local art gallery and take off for Las Vegas for the weekend if I want.

I want to be retired the old-fashioned way.

Not this way.

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