“If light is love, then fear is its shadow” – L.J. Vanier

When did we become so fixed and inflexible? Why is it so difficult, as a quick glance at social media will tell you, to listen with an open mind to views that are different to our own, or to accept that other people may not feel to respond to a particular situation in exactly the same way we do? The truth is you’ll never agree with anyone 100% of the time because you’re unique, a one-off. And thank Source for that because it makes for a beautiful, exciting, and evolving world.

I have my own theory on the underpinning reason for the prevailing verbal aggression, and it comes down to whether we’re responding from love or fear – simple as that. Although love and fear will have many different flavours and colours; something it’s easy to forget. Love is not always fluffy, warm blanket comfort. Love will discipline a child who is risking harm to themselves or others. Love will step forward and state a loud and clear “No!” wherever it finds injustice, suffering or lack of compassion. Fear is not always quivering helplessly in a corner. It can appear as bullying, control, or the fierce denial of the need for and a resistance to change (that last one is very much present in the UK).

If I disrespect and trash another’s beliefs or opinions at the same time as stating my own, it indicates that somewhere I’m not secure within myself, that I feel threatened, and have to defend my position because I feel something terrible might happen to me. This has been so clearly illustrated in the recent arguments over the BLM movement and the furore surrounding JK Rowling’s tweets about trans women.

When people want to change the BLM slogan to “All Lives Matter”, I understand their reasoning. Of course every human life (and animal life come to that) is of equal value. But to me they’re missing the point, which is that for many centuries now societies all over the world have acted as if they aren’t, and that attitude prevails despite all the legislation that would try to persuade us otherwise. Recognising the existence of this insidious injustice and knowing that I have to do something about it? That’s how love speaks to me. What I sense is that if I have a desire to change that slogan to “All Lives Matter” it’s because I’m afraid that my life is somehow under threat, that my way of being may be valued less highly. The irony is not lost on me that this fear being triggered in white people is the very same feeling that black people have had to and do face every day of their lives.

Similarly, when I read JK’s open essay on her website it’s so obvious and easy to sense the fear in it. While it’s understandable, because she has been abused herself for which I’m deeply sorry, it also shows that there is still healing to seek around this experience from her past. It’s how we’re all triggered into reacting with non-loving expression; when a past wound gets touched on or opened up by a present situation. Unless we have done the necessary inner healing then we react with the old defensive patterns we’ve been programmed with from that time of hurt, anticipating or expecting it to happen again.

It’s up to all of us to accept responsibility for the mess and the collective shadow that’s mushrooming out of its darkly stuffed closet right now. That means being truly honest with ourselves. It means pausing before we say anything to ask, “Am I responding from love or fear here?” Where we identify fear then we’re responsible for getting to the root of what it is we’re afraid of exactly, so we can attend to our own healing around that. We’re all hurt, we’re all imperfect, we all have moments when we feel immersed in love or get kicked into fear-based attack or defence. Until we can all own our individual role in perpetuating hate, intolerance, injustice and suffering, and yes we DO all have a role in perpetuating that, then we’ll struggle to change anything.