I’ve been on a self-healing and soul growth path for more than 30 years now, and there are always more layers to explore.

Recently, I’ve been working on understanding freedom through relationship; in this case my closest relationship with my life partner.

About a year ago, my partner George discovered he had ADHD. This new knowledge was both a relief and a challenge. It opened up a whole new perspective on the sticky patches in our relationship we kept cycling around. It meant I could let go of a lot of painful assumptions I’d been making about how he felt about me. And it meant I had to choose to recommit to this new relationship where I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for.

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Fast forward to today and we’re going to Couple’s Therapy to work through some of the more entrenched patterns that are more tricky to disentangle from. As part of this, we’re both individually exploring our own inner lives so we’re more able to respond lovingly and patiently to each other’s shadows, inner children, and in George’s case biology that I just don’t have. Along the way I stumbled across Richard Rudd’s excellent work with The Gene Keys, which provides another window into astrology for self-awareness.

According to the gene keys my higher purpose is Liberation, described as a consciousness of the illusion that there is any separation from Source and therefore that there is no real individual freedom. By surrendering to and merging with the whole, by understanding and embodying inter-dependence, I can release a fear-based grasping for individuality and so embody more of my Higher Self. The me who knows I’m always a part of Source with access to limitless love, peace, joy, and vibrant life force energy; those very things I can be afraid of losing if I enmesh too closely with someone else. Immediately, I remembered a poem I’d written 10 years ago back in 2014; not realizing then that I was tapping into a major tension and dilemma within my own being. I was amazed once more at how we always have this deep inner knowing about ourselves, that’s often held subconsciously. I revisited that poem again today and added another 11 lines to expand on that push pull effect of two seemingly contradictory desires. You can read it here; it’s called Tidal.

I wanted to share the poem and the truth it holds again now, because I can see this dynamic playing out in so many personal relationships. A tension between longing for closeness and intimacy, but fearing being consumed by it and losing yourself at the same time. But how can I possibly get lost when I and the “Other” are already part of the same great One of All That Is? There’s nothing to protect or defend myself against; that thinking only places limits and restrictions on myself and my relating, blocking the natural flow of energy. I can keep my heart and mind open and allow the undammed stream of love and life to move through Us.

A day after I’d been reading about my higher purpose gene key 39, I came across this post from Human Reform Politics on a friend’s Facebook feed. “The greatest illusion of modern society is that freedom is purely individualistic, when in reality, our freedom is deeply connected to the well-being of everyone.” Now widen this tension in one to one relationships and apply it to larger groups of people in families, neighborhoods, religious groups, political parties, nations, and so on, and you can see how it generates antagonism, protectionism, and warfare. We defend our personal freedom and right to choose which can, paradoxically, maintain the current struggle. When we learn to consider everyone else’s rights and well-being because, ultimately, theirs and ours are one and the same, just differently expressed. It applies to freedom, to love, to food, to personal expression, and finance….the list is endless.

Here’s a personal example of how I put this understanding to work when addressing issues or disagreements with my partner. George can be very reactive when he feels he’s being criticized or rejected; it’s very common among people with ADHD. He tends to become angry and defensive which usually triggers withdrawal and closing off from me who, as an empath, finds discord extremely uncomfortable. What I noticed was if I was able to stay calm, keep my heart soft towards him and my mind open to receiving and really hearing what he had to say, he naturally calmed down. In essence, I conveyed without words that I still love him even if I don’t agree in this moment, I understand my way is not the only way, and that both of us matter in this situation. He can then relax into the field of “we” as he no longer feels a need to defend “himself” and, in return, is much more likely to share with honesty and vulnerability. He’s also more ready to listen to what “I” have to say. It’s so simple really, but the power of it is incredibly dynamic. You can literally feel the shift of energy in real time, transforming from brick wall bashing to the gentle ease of flowing water.

As always, the universe has conspired to provoke me into a situation that accelerates my growth and evolution, which at the same time is also the growth and evolution of George. Both of your beings are enhanced and expanded when you look at it that way. My growth is your growth; your increased happiness is my increased happiness; my feeling more love is your feeling more love; your freedom is my freedom.

In addressing my own shadow around close relationships, the universe also gave me the gift of further validating my chosen soul path of work. Another message that we flourish together, by considering each other. Of course we do, because we all are, we never have been, apart.

According to Richard’s book, gene key 39 contains the Siddhi or spiritual gift of liberation. As my higher purpose, it makes me a powerful healer, an unblocker and liberator of energy where it’s stuck and stagnant, a bringer of transformation. I can crack open limitations and restrictions and expand others into a higher consciousness and a joyful, creative way of being – if you’re ready for it of course. It has to be a choice, and you’ll need to overcome some fear.

I see this as the most impactful contribution I can make to the great reset of the world right now through this deep work with clients. I am freeing up more energy of love, life, joy, freedom and generosity that has no perceived limits and so has no need to be owned, hoarded, or protected individually. What if we lived in a world where everyone’s way of being was rooted in this fundamental starting point?! I imagine it all the time and believe it’s the only way forward now.

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