At the beginning of each year, many of us are filled with renewed optimism at making the life changes we’ve always wanted to make. It’s a fresh start!

But others are more cynical, and have been burned by failed New Year’s resolutions many times before, and so have given up on this kind of optimism.

Each of these is understandable … but the problem with each is that neither really leads to lasting, meaningful change … without some evidence-backed methods to actually make the changes stick.

In this guide, I’m going to share the evidence-based methods I’ve used to change my entire life … and to help thousands of others change their lives (check out my Fearless Living Academy.

Let’s talk about how to actually make meaningful changes this year … but first, let’s talk about what doesn’t work.

What Doesn’t Work

The typical New Year’s resolution doesn’t tend to work, because:

• It’s a short-term burst of optimism and energy that doesn’t last for very long.
• Most people don’t set up structure or commitments to make it last very long.
• We don’t have ways of reflecting, learning, adjusting, and dealing with the failures and obstacles that inevitably come along, so our attempts end up being very fragile, prone to easily ending.

That said, getting jaded about setting New Year’s goals also doesn’t work — because then you end up not committing yourself to anything. Not getting in touch with possibility. Not setting a direction in your life. It’s like being out to sea without a destination in mind — you’ll just float along.

So what does work? A few evidence-backed solutions.

Choose Something Meaningful

Most people choose goals because they feel like I should, or it seems like something that would be good to do (which is the same thing). This isn’t very meaningful, and so you will give up when your resistance comes up.

Instead, choose something that really means something to you:

• I quit smoking because I realized it was going to have long-term health consequences not only for me, but for my wife and kids.
• I ran a marathon because I really wanted to prove to myself that I am worthy of my own trust, and remake my self-image.
• When I write books, I do it because it feels like it will really help people who need it.
• I got out of debt because the financial pressure and constraint of it all were stopping my family from doing things that would be meaningful to us.

What 1-3 changes would you like to make that would be really meaningful to you?

Small Steps are Better

Ignore this advice at your own peril: the best steps are the smallest.

For example, when I started running, all I had to do was lace up my shoes and get out the door. Once I was out, I would inevitably run a little, but I was already successful.

Other examples:

• Floss just 1 tooth to start with
• Do 1 pushup (knee pushups are OK!)
• Just open 1 email you’ve been avoid
• Write 1 sentence a day in your novel

Note that these are just starting steps — you’ll slowly progress from there. But don’t try to get too ambitious when you first start — that’s a good recipe for failure!

Instead, start super small and progress very slowly. Regress if you miss a day or two — cut back from 10 minutes of meditation to 5 minutes, so you can get back into it.

The important thing is not how much you do today, or even this week — it’s being as consistent as life will allow, and doing it for the long term.

Let Your Heart Have Fun

When people start new habits, they do each session as a thing they just have to get through. Get it over with. Get on to the next thing. This is no fun, and we only have a limited tolerance for it.

What if, instead, you could let it be playful, even joyful? When I go out for a run, if I notice myself just trying to get it over with, then I try to turn it into something fun. I run weird, I sprint to the next tree, I run up and down hills gleefully. Or I play some fun music. Or find awe in my surroundings.

As you do your habits or goals … let your heart sing. It deserves it. And it will want to do it over and over, which will help you achieve your goals.

Get More Committed

Most people have a tenuous relationship with commitment. We’re only half in anything. This leads to lots of quitting.

What if quitting weren’t an option? Think about a parent committed to finding their children — there’s no question about whether they’re going to feed the kids today. That’s the kind of commitment we’re looking for.

But commitment isn’t something you just flip on — it’s a practice. You have to practice, over and over, until the commitment is strong. It helps to have accountability partners, people to share your struggles with. Again, check out my Fearless Living Academy.

Become Resilient

Finally, let’s address the biggest obstacle to long-term success for most people — fragility. Most people will give their best effort for a week or three … but when something comes up to get in the way, the effort collapses. This is fragility.

What we want is resilience — the ability to come back even if you get thrown off course. This is something that can be developed with practice. This is the year you can develop it!

Here’s how:

• Set up regular reviews. It can be daily, weekly or monthly, or perhaps eventually all of the above. Ask yourself how it’s been going, what’s been working, what you can celebrate, and what you can learn. What do you need to adjust, and how can you get back on track?
• See every obstacle and failure as a part of your learning. There’s not really a way to fail if you learn from every time you fall down. Missed a week of exercise? No problem — what can you learn from that so you’ll get better?
• Get support from others. Doing a big goal alone is really tough. It’s still tough if you have the support of others, but it helps you be more resilient, because you have people to lean on when it’s tough. Find a project partner, an accountability buddy, a group. Lean on them.
• Learn to encourage yourself. We have so many ways of discouraging ourselves. What if we learned to encourage ourselves instead? Celebrate the smallest victories. Be proud of the smallest steps you take. Learn to acknowledge your efforts, and love yourself when you’re down, and encourage yourself to start again. Over and over.

This really works — I’ve seen it thousands of times. You can do this.

Join Me: Fearless Living Academy
All of this is built into my monthly membership program, Fearless Living Academy.
We have accountability groups, video courses on habits and more, monthly challenge called The Practice, monthly webinars by me, a community, and more.
Join Fearless Living Academy today to make this your greatest year yet!

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