In a FB group dedicated to death, dying, and the Wisdom, I encountered a man who was having a very hard time with the end of relationships with women he still loved with all his heart. He was wondering if they would come back, or if something could “pick back up” at some point in the future while despairing at the unlikelihood of that happening. Here’s what I wrote him with some editing to make some ideas flow better.

All relationships begin with a lot of hope, and over time an inevitable thing happens: we either become close friends, or indifferent. This is a universal. All relationships change over time, and because we do not control anyone else's responses and are only are able to manage our own we can love with all our heart but cannot make another stay if they are determined to go, or their destiny forces them to go, even if they don’t want to.

I have known the pain of losing a loved one more than a few times. I also have known the pain of having to walk on into the unknown, whether I wanted to or not or expected to or not. As one who a) literally died, went to the other side, and was given a chance to come back, and b) lost a child, and c) had terrible tragedies with two women I was in very long term relationships with and loved with all my heart, I can truly say that the only thing you need to focus on is how your love has grown from conditional to unconditional. As all forms pass away, we learn to expand our ability to love.

You will always love those you love; however, because this world is impermanent, we often find ourselves loving someone with all our heart, but they are no longer there for whatever reason. In my case, a medical procedure saved her life, but not her mind. In another case, the death of our child created a dark space which can destroy a life if lived in for too long. As we cannot live in another person's hell beyond a certain point, determined by our astrological chart and willingness to heal, then if they are determined to stay in hell, regardless of how noble our intention may be, we ultimately must walk on, since that's what evolution is about.

I believe you are too attached to the past, and allowing the thief of that past to steal your present. You will never “go back.” You will never revive any relationship you have ever had. You will only move forward to new ones, sometimes with people you used to know in a different way, and sometimes with completely new people.

We can never go back, since as a legendary poet, philosopher, mathematician, and astrologer so famously wrote:

“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on:
nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”

We only move forward as loving, wise, intelligences. You are no doubt more loving, wise, and intelligent than you were when you began those difficult relationships. And because we live in an impermanent reality, the price of love is grief; if we have truly loved, then sooner or later one of us must leave, if only by death. The one who remains gets to grieve as a healthy function of leaving the conditional part of that love behind and embracing a more unconditional love.

Once we clear out the projections of our subconscious mind which attracts us to certain people to learn necessary (and often hard) lessons, then we begin to attract different people who we are more truly compatible with. Each relationship holds a promise, yet will never be entirely as we hope; however, it could be better than we can imagine, in that each opportunity we take to grow in our love paves the way to more loving relationships in the future.

I learned a long time ago that if we cannot “make a happy life” with one, there is surely another with whom we could “make a happy life.” Again, the trick is not to let the thieves of the past and future steal our present. That’s why finding a positive attitude about our life and love guarantees us better relationships in the future, since all of us want a happy life with someone who we positively love and who positively loves us.

This is a vast subject, and touches the heart of the matter of being fully human, an Eternal learning to navigate life while learning to feel all there is to feel so we can bring forth “the better angels of our nature.” While endings can be painful, we do not need to suffer, since we are as surrounded by Life, Light, and Love as a fish by water. We are always within a loving web of Light/Life if we learn to see it, feel it, embrace it, and swim in that vast ocean of loving light. It’s all a matter of finding the right point of view.

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