Expansion

What can I say?

These days, I find myself once more trying to create a blueprint of my life…something to help me navigate the murky waters and beautiful heavens within. Contradiction, you say? But, my dear, by now, you should know I am an enigma made flesh.

No one is less suited than the shadow worker herself to heal her own psyche and soul. How can that be, you ask? Well, let me say this to help you understand just as a doctor is not impervious to illness, neither is a shadow worker devoid of pain….I am human, after all.

I, too, suffer, doubt, struggle, and walk through my own dark night of the soul. I needed to accept that while I find great joy in witnessing others find their footing in our meetings or discover the inspiration they seek through my page, I, too, was struggling.

Healing is not a linear journey, nor is it a ladder…it is a constant rediscovery of truths I once thought I knew. I once believed that helping others was all I desired, but I, too, grow; I, too, morph. And though it is uncomfortable, it is a beautiful process. I had to admit to myself that I was feeling drained and ask myself why I wasn’t feeling alive.

I wish I could take you into my world, if only for a moment, so you might understand the exquisite symphony of my pains and joys, like poetry that narrates the tale of my magick and my creative madness. I had to choose to close a chapter – maybe temporary, maybe permanent; I do not yet know. For how could I guide anyone when I no longer felt the passion needed to take another’s hand and walk through the waters of the subconscious? Incoherent that would be, and it would harm my own psyche and soul.

In that chapter of my life, I thought I had found my shadow, my essence…all in my solitude. But then life does what it does best; it gently nudges you, then it knocks. If we still refuse to hear, then it starts to squeeze you, leaving you breathless, devoid of magick…angry, confused, lost once more. Yet all it tries to do is pronounce your name so you may recognize yourself and tell you, “Hey, you keep asking for guidance. You have focused on your psyche and your spirituality; now it’s time to get out of your mind and into your body. Let’s have fun – a bit of pure, clean, sensuous fun” (because let’s face it, sensuality is not merely the act of seduction but a state of being, and I am lucky to feel it rush through my veins every day).

As I experiment with new and forgotten beautiful areas of my life, I am recharging for what is to come – the quest for a deeper me…what ignited this journey in the first place. I can feel myself tremble – afraid, but not scared – of what lies ahead. I can sense the waters of the unconscious surfacing, pulling me down to rediscover something I already know but do not yet understand.

As I read the Red Book by Carl Jung, I grasped his journey clearly. “Dive,” he said to all – let the very thing that scares you show you the path.” So, before I retreat into my quest, I find myself taking life’s medicine, which consists of nature, new things, the creative process, photography and poetry – while still trying to remain present in my everyday life. Who says human beings are not heroes? Is there anything more heroic than choosing to unshackle yourself, heal old wounds, and discover new facets of self, all while living in the day-to-day?

My God, as confused as I sometimes feel, I can sense myself dancing with the spirit of life within me. Others may not understand, but that’s okay; this is my journey…my life. I am not the typical woman; I am not pious, nor empty-headed. And while the world may not understand my choices, I know I am doing my best, listening to the unique calling of life meant for me.

My world is mine alone – where darkness and light do not collide but instead integrate to create something new, and it is now ready to reveal another shade. Who will I be afterward? Who knows! But the truth is, none of us do. We are all one experience away from becoming someone different. In my case, I am learning that if I pay attention to the fire within me, I am far from waiting for life to shake me.

I believe in life… I believe in me… Perfectly imperfect… With days that bring me to my knees still… And days I soar through the heavens, past the illusions of society; where my psyche, body, and soul are renewed.

I believe all shall be well…one step at a time. I believe in me… And I hope you can believe in yourself as well… For you are Divine incarnate. Don’t be afraid to dive, to fall, to hurt, to make mistakes… And then rise, for life, my friend, was meant to be lived.

Sofia Falcone
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Sofia Falcone. Do Not Copy!

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