Pleasure in learning to feel by learning to be present can lead to us living a more conscientious life.

Why Pleasure in Feeling?

We are in a sick society today. Where sex boils down to coitus itself. A needy and narcissistic society seeks completeness in external factors and shallow relationships without realizing that with each experience, with each cycle, these feelings only deepen. As long as we don’t know ourselves, and stop to analyze our armor, our taboos, our prejudices, our fear, our so-called morals (those born from rigidity not from the heart) and our inner monsters, we won’t break this chain.

From the moment we’re young, we’re often held back—unable to fully express ourselves, our desires, or our sexuality.  We are told these are evil and to express them is a sin or at the very least a perversion.  However, like anything based on fear and ignorance, those types of teachings only lead to the mental dissociation of the self – where a person learns to portray one thing but secretly desires another.  Such attitude can lead to either internal misery or in its other extreme of expression, it can lead to self-harming behavior or the use or abuse of others. 

We’re taught to conform to old-fashioned norms, stifling our instincts and passions. We let others dictate our bodies and desires yet we call ourselves free.  We aren’t taught that like any powerful force, self-expression requires responsibility but it should not be repressed.  We are not taught that responsibility and self-mastery are not the same as self-limitation, or rigidity which leads to mental and spiritual castration.  We aren’t taught that more than apparent truth – it is easy to fall to extremes, but extremes are never the answer.  Forcing ourselves into a false sense of piousness or abusing ourselves as if we were less than animals, both lead to the killing of our own spirit and the degradation of our own psyche.

In the Orient as in other ancient cultures, one can learn to talk about subjects considered taboo by most Westerners – the interesting thing is that in the West despite all attempts to become liberated, when it comes to sexuality,  it owns us instead of us owning it.  That is why it is imperative to talk about everything that makes us who we are: relationships, mind, soul, behaviors, sexuality – be it self-love or with another- bodies, vaginas, penises… and yes, orgasms. It’s all about understanding ourselves.  Because to truly know what we want—and what we don’t—we must first know ourselves.

Why not embark on a journey together: reclaiming our pleasure? Whether it’s experiencing joy we’ve never known, embracing our emotions fully, or feeling deeply connected to the present moment.

Pleasure isn’t just a luxury—it’s empowering and healing when approached in alignment with the heart and psyche. It builds us up and boosts our confidence. So, let’s shift the focus from pain and sacrifice to conscious pleasure. Together, let’s embrace the Pleasure of Feeling.

“Be the one who does you good and the one who is not toxic. The one who is not submissive and the one who breaks patterns”

Be yourself. Establish your freedoms and your limits. Live fully. Respect and understand the differences. It’s okay to want something different, it’s okay to talk about your sexuality, about your vulnerabilities and express it fully. It’s okay to say yes, and it’s also okay to say no.

Your body is your temple. Your wills are the expression of your divine.  You have the right to have your boundaries respected, in the same way you need to respect the boundaries of others. 

It is important to recognize that although connected, consciously enjoying the feeling of pleasure throughout our day is not the same thing as practicing meditation.  Meditation is the conscious choice to set aside time to calm the mind and body.  Mindfulness, on the other hand, is learning to be aware of everything we do throughout our day….it means allowing ourselves to consciously choose to relax while engaging in our daily activities – in doing so, we learn to feel deeply – what something feels like, smells like, texture, taste, etc. – our senses rather than going in autopilot, learn to savor and send those responses to our brain, allowing us a vast plethora of new sensations, and of course this particular way of experiencing life, is not only healthy to the psyche but will translate to our lovemaking.  

Enjoying pleasure was our original state, but through years and programming, we learned to live mechanically.  To rediscover this old way of being, we will need to once more learn to use repetition (but this time consciously and to our advantage).  You will need to call your mind back from its endless wonders until your body learns to associate paying attention to the moment with pleasure.  Once your senses become used to experiencing details, you will see how this new awareness not only intensifies your lovemaking but allows for the experience to become one of wholeness – a true mix of ecstasy and healing-  a process not forced but that will take place naturally.  Once your sexual senses have a taste of what it feels to be present while making love, you are in for a new and exciting ride.

But first like a newborn baby, you must learn to enjoy the simple mundane pleasures of life – something which may seem nonimportant, but really, isn’t the so-called mundane (or little things) what makes most of our days? 

So here are some steps to follow if you wish to start your basic journey to reclaiming yourself.

1. First be honest with yourself.  Sit down and talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend.  Do this privately and allow yourself time.  It’s a date – but with yourself!  Remember that because is just you and your spirit, there is no judgment.   Any judgment you may experience is only the external voices of the world…be conscious of it so you may silence them while allowing your inner voice to freely talk to you.  What the world usually labels as good or bad will come up, do not lecture yourself, but listen from the heart.  Accept your thoughts, your desires, your fears.  Be patient and look at where these likes or dislikes originated from – often it goes back to our childhood.  Permitting ourselves to listen, to inspect, to accept and then to make an agreement with our own shadow, allowing it its self-expression-  this not only leads to healing but a balanced healthier more integrated you….the real you.
2. Learn to breathe consciously.  Pay attention to when you inhale and exhale. At first, it may seem like work, but the goal is to eventually learn to flow with life.
3. Do not rush through your meals.  Pay attention to the food and drinks in front of you. Instead of hurriedly eating in front of the computer or TV, take time to savor each bite. Observe the colors, textures and flavors of your food. This will not only improve your digestion but will also help you enjoy your meals more and reduce stress.
4. Mindful walks.  What do you see, hear, feel, smell? How do your muscles feel?
5. When you go for a walk, pay attention to your surroundings. Observe the details around you: the trees, the sounds of nature, the sensations in your body as you move. This will help you disconnect from worries and connect with the present moment.

• Daily meditation.  Spend a few minutes each day meditating. Find a quiet place, sit comfortably, and focus your attention on your breathing or a mantra. Regular meditation strengthens your ability to be present and reduces stress in the long term.
• Active listening.  When you are in a conversation, practice active listening. Give your full attention to the person speaking, without interrupting or planning your response as they speak. This improves the quality of your relationships and reduces communication-related stress.
• Gratitude Journal.  At the end of the day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This helps you focus on the positive in your life and reduce worry about the negative.  At the very least, before you go to bed, learn to think of something you are grateful for about the day you just had.  This trains your mind to balance positive and negative.  Pay close attention to the memory. 
• Mindful stretching.  Incorporate gentle stretches into your daily routine. Pay attention to the sensations in your muscles and joints as you stretch. This relieves physical and mental tension.

All of the practices already mentioned are not hard to do but they require constancy.  They help you observe your internal and external experiences without criticism or distractions.   I hope you give them a try

Sofia Falcone
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Sofia Falcone. Do Not Copy!

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