Are Empaths Really Controlled by Shame?

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Saturday, 01 June 2024

Written by Diane Katherine

One thing that causes many Empaths incredible insecurity and suffering is the shame bought on by judgement.

Fearing the judgements of others, as well as the judgements we place on ourselves, has kept many of us imprisoned more than we probably realize.

We could say we are controlled by shame.

Until we recognize the shame we carry, and how it impacts our behaviour, we will continue to alter our behaviour patterns to fit in with others’ expectations, and not be true to ourselves.

Now, you may want to say that you have no shame, and you are not controlled by the judgements of others. But think about that for a minute. Is that true?

The thing is, Empaths tend to over care about everything and anything. We can easily worry about how our words might have accidentally offended someone, or how our actions may have been misinterpreted. All of which could contribute to the feelings of shame. Especially if we feel we have unintentionally hurt someone.

The fear of judgement not only hinders our authenticity, but it might also push us to alter our opinions and beliefs to align with mainstream narratives, so we don’t cause offence.

Living as a people pleaser or the nice guy may seem like the best way to keep the peace, but if we are being untrue to ourselves in these actions, we are simply holding ourselves back.

The fact that the world has been pretty much built on lies is obviously going to impact our behaviour. Being Empaths, who pick up on the energy around us, especially for those of us who tend to morph, we cannot help but be affected by judgmental energy. But that doesn’t mean we should not continue to live as authentically as we can.

To live more sincerely, we have to face our truth and this means recognizing how the fear of rejection, shame, and a desire to fit-in has altered our actions and ideas.

How This Works

The fear of judgment and rejection work hand-in-hand

When we don’t share the truth of who we are, for the fear of being judged or causing offence, we end up burying parts of ourself.

For example, as Empaths, we might not want to share our ‘Empathic traits’ because it gives reason for others to judge and reject. Or we may hold back from sharing our real opinions for fear of causing offence.

Those of us who are Sensitive, feel the judgements of others, even when unsaid or hidden behind fake positivity. If these judgments trigger buried feelings of insecurity, which then cause old wounds to reopen, we will work even harder to avoid being judged. Which often means locking ourselves down.

Human Nature

Now, I do realize that as humans, judgements are systematically threaded in to our core. Even if it is just to assess whether a certain person is safe or trustworthy.

Assessing a situation or person, for safety reasons, is normal, and can prevent unnecessary suffering. However, living in fear of being judged not only makes us afraid of speaking our truth, but we might also hide our creative side for being shamed about not being good enough.

Our gifts then stay hidden away and we don’t allow new ideas in.

Controlled by Shame for a Reason

We all carry emotional pain that is often locked up in shame. By its manipulation, good people are controlled by the powers that be. They pigeon hole us. Telling us we need to follow the same agenda, have the same opinions and education.

But, as I’ve said many times before, we are all different, with different outlooks and needs.

We are supposed to have freedom of speech and thought, but we really don’t. Those who don’t fit in, or those who have a differing opinion or beliefs than the mainstream, are often vilified or shamed in some way by those who want everyone to be the same.

No one wants the agony that is triggered by the humiliation of being singled out as a weirdo. And this is what those followers of the conventional life like to do to anyone who appears different. This is why so many Sensitive people live in the fear of exposing the truth of who they are, and it is what holds many Empaths back.

Shame is a massive controller.

I believe a big reason why Empaths freeze around inauthenticity is because it’s a constant reminder that fakery and pretense does not promote growth, especially when it is used for exploitation.

As Empaths, we may carry humiliation over one thing or another, but we also know how wrong it is to control others through shame or manipulation.

Looking from Another Perspective

Now, just because we have experienced humiliations in life does not mean we cannot use them to our own advantage.

Those who faced the biggest adversities in life, especially after facing judgements and discriminations, and came out on top, are the ones who have the most incredible life stories to share.

Yes, their journey may have been painful, it may have been overcoming one thing after another, but their experiences also created exponential growth and success.

Take for example, the person who came from an underprivileged or difficult background who clambered their way through life, overcoming adversity and disapproval to find happiness and true contentment, will have a far more interesting and rewarding life than the one born with a silver spoon, who had everything handed to them on a plate, with no real challenges to face.

We have always had success dictated. People are judged on levels of achievement by their perceived wealth, house size, car and wardrobe. But true success should be measured by levels of contentment, as well as hurdles faced and overcome.

Let’s face it, the only thing we get to take with us when this life is over are our experiences, and that includes emotional experiences.

We earn our rewards through putting the work in, and we gain understanding through life experience and challenges faced.

Humans don’t grow and gain understanding from having it easy and having no lessons.

I’m not saying that emotional pain should be a goal to strive towards. But having emotional discomforts and hardships can give us motivation and momentum to push ourselves up, out and beyond.

If we continue to follow the herd, because it is the easy route, and it is the best way to avoid shame and judgements, we are simply trapping our unique spark and following a road that leads to unfulfillment and regret.

Surrender Judgements

If, as an Empath, you want to live a life away from judgements and shame, it helps to really know your worth. Accept that the past may have caused emotional pain and discomfort for the reason it offered obstacles to overcome.

And it really is ok to be different.

Know that if you have suffered and struggled and strived to live authentically you are doing something right.

We may not know the shape of things to come or where our future will lead, but I really feel it is time to surrender our fears, beliefs and old ways of being.

Let go of the fear of shame, and instead focus on the light within.

It is time to create the new and become the best version of you!

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time.

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Diane lives in Manchester, UK. She spent the past twenty years researching everything from human anatomy to the law of attraction. She is a qualified colour and crystal therapist, massage therapist, reflexologist, aromatherapist, healing practitioner, yoga and meditation teacher, and has done in-depth research into diet and nutrition and how it affects Sensitive people.. ©Diane Kathrine