Dear friends,

This week, I want to talk about a nuance that I have noticed in my life, especially when it comes to relationships and my people-pleasing tendencies. For most of my life, I’ve felt that instinctual need to over-explain and justify my wants, needs, actions, and desires.

From my experience, over-explaining was always a way to make the other person feel better, to convince someone that my decisions or actions weren’t personal, or even to get approval on choices made. The truth is over-explaining will never provide the comfort, reassurance, or positive reinforcement that we desire.

In reality, over-explaining just exhausts, drains, and confuses us.

If this dynamic resonates with you, know that you are not alone in feeling this way! This week, I’m sharing five common reasons we tend to over-explain, so that we can cultivate that keen awareness to creative positive change.

1. You have a past of being gaslit or people twisting your words. This can make you feel like you’re the problem, like you don’t remember what you said, and that you are the one who needs to over-extend to make things right. If you’ve been gaslit in your life, start now reaffirming your lived experiences and your self-knowing.
2. You want to avoid judgment or being misunderstood. So much of my history with over-explaining stems from wanting to be liked and understood. Remember, the people in your life who are meant to be there, won’t require long explanations, they will accept you as you are.
3. You are afraid to set healthy boundaries. As we know, boundary-setting can be a challenging practice in the beginning, but so rewarding when they are finally in place. It can be easy to fall into a pattern of over-explaining to avoid setting the boundaries we know deeply are needed. Look to see if there is a boundary you are avoiding.
4. You don’t want to be wrong or blamed. Again, I deeply can relate to the extreme desire of avoiding being wrong. But the truth is, we all will be wrong, or even need to accept blame in life. And it is okay. Rather than avoiding the unavoidable, seek to cultivate that strong foundation from within, to know who you are and what you want, so that you can take aligned actions, every day. This will help you feel confident in your day-to-day interactions, and less likely feel the need to over-explain.
5. You are seeking approval. We all want to feel the support and love from people in our lives. I think this is innate in all of us, but we should not need to convince people of our life’s path. Remember, we all have unique life experiences and circumstances, and the people in our lives may not fully understand what it’s like to be you. You don’t need other people’s approval to move forward in the life that you desire.

Remember, when we over-explain, we are seeking for ways to cope, you don’t have to justify your feelings, preferences, or desires. The more we can feel confident and secure in our lives and our choices, the less we will feel the need to over-explain.

xo, Michelle

Michelle Maros is Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life's Creative Director and resident writer. She has a degree in Journalism from Indiana University and is also a certified holistic health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and registered yoga teacher with trainings with Anuttara Yoga Shala and Strala Yoga. Michelle has a deep desire to help people find happiness in all areas of their lives, and truly believes the Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life movement will bring lasting change to the world. Michelle splits her time between Florida and New York City and loves connecting with people from all over the world. If you'd like to contact her, she can be reached at 

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