A Note from Neale...

With the Supreme Court announcing that gay people may now marry in all 50 states I thought it was appropriate to talk about LOVE. Romantic love. You know… the kind that so many people are so hung up on, whether they be gay or straight. I observe that during most of my life, I have had no idea what love is. Many other people, I think, fall into the same category. I like to think that I have learned a little bit about all this from my Conversations with Godexperience, but I would in no way lay claim to any kind of elevated awareness about love.

Here’s what I know. Many people confuse “love” with “need.” Many people think that they need something from someone other than themselves in order to be fully happy. We’re talking about happiness on a personal level now, not happiness in a career or happiness with our trinkets and possessions.

Personal happiness seems to only be full and rich when we have someone to share it with…but the danger is that to many it feels as if this means someone to “get happiness from.” I think that what I’ve learned is that if we feel that someone else—that magical “other”—is going to bring us happiness, we have misunderstood what love really is.

Yet, as I said, we would not be alone in this misunderstanding. Tons of people believe themselves to have needs, and they see life as a quest for “need fulfillment.” Indeed, they see LOVE as “need fulfillment.”

“You fill my needs and I’ll fill yours.”

For many, this is what it feels that love is all about. We look for someone who can fill our needs. We call this “compatibility.” And once we find someone who seems to have all the equipment to fill our needs, we run around trying to fill theirs.

It drives us crazy when we meet a totally self-fulfilled person who apparently HAS no needs…because we can’t do anything FOR them. How are we going to earn their love if we can’t do anything FOR them?

Fortunately, there aren’t very many self-fulfilled people around, so we don’t have to worry. Most others who come into our life have needs of their own, so if we want to get really close to them…even intimate…we subtly work out a “deal.”

Like two nations with stuff each of them needs, we enter into a Trade Agreement. “You give me this and I’ll give you that.” Then, we run around trying to find the perfect greeting card…but we can’t find one that expresses our true feeling…

My Dearest, Darling Trader…
I trade you very much
I will always trade you.
I will trade you until the end of time
I promise to never be a traitor
And always be a trade.

We can tell that we have entered into a Trade Deal when, if the other person stops providing us with what we think we need to be happy, we start feeling short-changed. And, if this goes on, we want “out” of the arrangement.

This, of course, is not True Love.

True Love does not say “I love you IF…” True love says “I love you BECAUSE…”

And what is the “because…”?

The “because” is….”because you’re alive. Because you’re YOU.”

This is how God loves us. No conditions. No “if’s”. Oh, and by the way, no “trades.” God doesn’t give us all good things only if we give God what we imagine that God “wants.” God gives us good things every day of our life, regardless of how we treat God…or anyone else.

You see, God has not created a Reward & Punishment kind of universe…even though most people think that God has. God has EVERYTHING, so there is NOTHING that God wants. This allows God to love us without placing requirements on us to love God in return, through some specific demonstration, behavior, or ritual.

Ah, would that we could all love like God!

Well…life gives us a chance to practice that. And that, I have found, is where the real joy is. I’m learning that Love is not about what I get from another, but about what I give.

Old stuff, I know. Ancient truth, heard from our Moms a hundred times. But right now, as marriage is open to all, it's a nice time to remember that.

Be happy in love,

© 2015 ReCreation Foundation - http://www.cwg.org - Neale Donald Walsch is a modern day spiritual messenger whose words continue to touch the world in profound ways. His With God series of books has been translated into 27 languages, touching millions of lives and inspiring important changes in their day-to-day lives.

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