Which type of person makes the ideal match for empaths? It depends on your temperament and needs. You must determine which type (or mixture of types) you prefer and will be most compatible with over time.

Each type can be extroverted or introverted. (See “The Empath’s Survival Guide” to learn more about an empath’s needs in love.)

Type #1. The Intellectual: Intense Thinker

Intellectuals are smart and astute analyzers who are most at home in their mind. They see the world through logic and rational thought. Known for keeping calm during a conflict, they often avoid their emotions, don’t easily trust their gut, and are slow to participate in light-hearted, sensual, or playful activities. Intellectuals can make good partners for certain empaths because their sense of logic compliments and grounds an empath’s emotional intensity.

Tips to Help an Empath Communicate with an Intellectual

• Ask for help. Intellectuals love to solve problems. Be very specific about ways they can assist you with a problem or task.
• Mention only one issue at a time. Intellectuals can get thrown off by too many “unfixable” emotions.
• Regularly communicate. Keeping the lines of communication open with intellectuals allows you to be clearer and more loving with each other.

Type #2. The Empath: Emotional Sponge

Empaths are kind, supportive, and passionate partners. They also tend to feel their own and their spouse’s emotions to an extreme. I am often asked, “Can two empaths have a good relationship?” Yes, definitely. The heart connection is incredible! Because both partners understand each other, they don’t have to explain themselves as much. However, for such a relationship to succeed and remain harmonious, the couple must keep sharing about their mutual needs. Two empaths on overwhelm at the same time can get pretty intense. Such a relationship requires mutual understanding and separate spaces to wind down.

I’ve treated many couples in which both partners are empaths. I’ve taught them how to respect each other’s sensitivities but stay grounded. The positive side is that each person easily appreciates what the other is feeling. The more difficult aspect is defining your own needs and setting boundaries to feel safe and calm. When empaths are triggered, they need a time-out to regroup and decompress. Two empaths who are both upset can aggravate each other’s anxiety. Each partner needs his or her separate quiet space to unwind. Though it is often challenging for two empaths to be in love, over the long term, the relationship can be successful with mutual respect.

Tips to Help Two Empaths Communicate

• Take time apart each day to relax. Calming minibreaks by yourself are restorative. Go for a walk outside or meditate in your room alone. Exhale pent-up emotions such as anxiety or fear so they don’t stay in your body or you project them to your partner.
• Protect your sensitivities. Make a list of your top five most emotionally triggering situations. Then, together, formulate a plan for handling them so you don’t get caught in a panic.
• Meditate together. This helps you to connect spiritually in silence and will strengthen your bond.

Type #3. The Rock: Strong and Silent Type

Consistent, dependable, and stable, they will always be there for you. You can express emotions freely around them. They won’t get alarmed or be critical. You can always count on them, which is reassuring for empaths who love consistency. But Rocks often have a hard time sharing their own feelings. Their empath mates may keep trying to get them to open up but become frustrated with the slow progress. Empaths may feel that Rocks are emotionally shut off, even boring.

Empaths and Rocks can make wonderful partners. They balance each other. Rocks can learn from empaths how to express their passion and emotions more clearly, while empaths can learn grounding from the Rock. Their feet are solid on the earth. It’s not that Rocks don’t have feelings. They just need you to lovingly support them to bring them out.

Tips to Help an Empath Communicate with a Rock

• Express gratitude. Regularly voice appreciation for a Rock’s positive qualities.
• Make an intimacy request. In order to connect more deeply, ask the Rock to express at least one emotion a day such as “I’m delighted,” “I love you,” or I’m feeling anxious.”
• Spend time in nature together. This will let you have a mutual physical activity which will bring you closer to each other in natural settings.

I do best with a partner who is a Rock and a non-empath. My mate, who has some admirable Rock qualities, is grounded and can hear my emotions without getting swept away by them. Being with another empath would feel too overwhelming for me. I also prefer a partner who is quiet and contained, rather than someone who talks a lot and shares his emotional states frequently.

How do you find a compatible partner? Empaths can feel a connection with someone, more with energy than with words. Notice the way you relate to someone’s energy. Ask yourself, does this person’s words match their energy or is something amiss? If you have doubts, go slowly. Do not give your heart to people unless they prove themselves worthy of your love. Keep intuitively tuning in to find out who that person really is.

(Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s “The Empath’s Survival Guide”, now available in paperback)