This article was posted by CrystalWind.ca.
How to Empathize Without Taking On People’s Stress
- Details
- Written by Judith Orloff MD
![How to Empathize Without Taking On People’s Stress How to Empathize Without Taking On People’s Stress](/images/stories/awakening/orloff/empath12.jpg)
To be of service you don’t have to give 100% or more to everyone in need.
At times, it’s okay not to be so available. To stay centered and decompress, you need to leave this world for a while and practice self-care. Give yourself that break. When being of service, consider each situation individually. Always factor in your own energy level and physical and emotional limitations to access how much you have to give. These considerations don’t make you selfish. They make you smart. Of course, there are instances when service may involve enormous sacrifice such as when you’re a caregiver, which I will discuss. Generally, though, healthy giving nurtures you too.
A dread that many of my patients share is: “What if people ask more than I can give? I feel guilty if I say “’no.’”
Here are five strategies from my book The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships and The World to support your healthy giving.
1. Give a Little, Not a Lot
Appreciate the power of offering small gifts: a hug, a flower, a fresh salad, a birthday card, three minutes of your time instead of an afternoon. Some people limit their giving to an hour daily. Train yourself to be a high-quality giver in smaller increments when possible.
2. Set Compassionate, Guilt-Free Limits
If you feel you “should” say “yes” to every request, practice setting limits. You can respond, “I’m sorry, I’m unable to attend, but I appreciate the invitation,” or “Thank you for asking, but I can’t take on more commitments now,” or “I’d love to help, and I only have an hour.” If you feel guilty about setting limits, it’s okay but set a limit anyways. Changing your behavior and acting “as-if” can precede an attitude shift. You don’t need to be guilt-free to set limits.
3. Go Into Unavailable Mode
It’s not healthy to be on call for others all the time. To preserve your energy, for minutes, hours or longer, turn off your electronic devices, don’t answer calls, and stop “doing favors” for others. This gives you a break to be demand-free. It may be surprising to realize that most people can survive without you for a while.
4. Recognize When You’ve Had Enough
There are some limits to giving you can’t modify because your mental or physical health depends on maintaining them, and there is no way to compromise anymore. One friend told me, “I divorced my husband because I never wanted children and realized he’d always be one–a really high maintenance one.” This was a positive decision for her. Sometimes protecting yourself requires a big change. Though achieving closure can be difficult, it’s wise to lovingly acknowledge, “It’s time to move on.
5. Meditate and Pray
When there’s nothing more you can do to help someone or they refuse help, remember to pray for their well-being and the best outcome to their problem. It’s better to keep this prayer general rather than more specific. In instances when you can’t heal yourself or others–and you can’t get rid of pain–turn the problem into a creative offering to the forces of love and healing. Allow them to work their magic. I also offer my adaptation of The Serenity Prayer which I suggest too:
Grant me the serenity
To accept the people or things I cannot change
The courage to change what I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
If you’re working too hard to help someone, take a pause. Let the person be themselves without making it your mission to improve them. As one patient vowed, “I’m going to stop trying to love the red flags out of others.” There is a time to give and a time to replenish yourself. Healthy giving is graceful, patient, and makes you smile–a healing gift to yourself and others.
Adapted from The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and the World ©2024 Judith Orloff.
© 2023 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved. We track all IP addresses. Using a VPN will now also get tracked to original source IP.
© CrystalWind.ca 2024. All content (articles, imagery, fair use) & design protected. Written permission required for copying. All rights reserved.
Join the Conversation Now! Comment Below!
![The Crystal Wind Oracle Mobile App crystal-wind-oracle-mobile-app](/images/crystalwindoracle/screenshot1.jpg)
Spirit Animal Totem Of The Day!
Crystal Of The Day!
Latest Articles
CrystalWind.ca is free to use because of
donations from people like you.
Donate Now »
Unlock Your Light: Join Lightworkers Worldwide on CrystalWind.ca!
Follow Us!
Who is Online Now
We have 51593 guests and no members online
Featured This Month
Cancer Mythology
The Hidden Myth Behind the Zodiac Sign Had the Scriptures of Delphi never b... Read more
Lammas by The Hedgewitch
Although in the heat of a Mid-western summer it might be difficult to discer... Read more
Lugh - Celtic God Of The Sun
The god Lugh was worshiped in Ireland as a deity of the sun. This connection... Read more
Abalone Shell
Echos Of The Ancestors Abalone strengthens the structure of the body and th... Read more
Egyptian Zodiac/Astrology
Egyptian astrology was one of the earliest forms of astrology. The Egyptians... Read more
Chalcedony
The Stone Of Orators Chalcedony was very popular as a decorative stone in ant... Read more
The Holly Tree: July 8th - August 4th
The Fire Festival Of Lammas Celtic Symbol : The Unicorn And The Flaming Spe... Read more