My dear friends, we love you so very much,

Relax. Breathe. You are not being judged. You are not being evaluated. No one in the heavens is keeping score as to whether or not you have more loving or unpleasant days. No one in the heavens thinks less of you no matter what you do or don't do, say or don't say, think or don't think.

We love you without condition. It is our nature to love, and we will always remain true to our nature. Anything less would not feel good to us. We love for the sake of loving and for the sake of feeling faithful to our essential being.

We understand that others have given you plenty of criteria that you use to judge yourselves. You have been taught what behaviors and beliefs "make" you lovable and which ones do not. Many of you were bullied, manipulated, and coerced into being something other than what you genuinely wanted to be. However, you can always reclaim your essential self. You can always choose to accept yourself as you are. It is, after all, natural to love and accept yourself as you are. Look at the innocent children who don't make any apology for being true to themselves. Even if you were trained out of your truth and out of your natural sense of self-acceptance, you can, with a little practice, choose to accept yourself as you are. There is the reason God gave the name "I am who I am" to Moses. You are who you are, and that is enough. If heaven does not judge you, there is no reason to judge yourselves. It is just an old, useless habit.

It is time upon your earth to make the opinions of those who do not love you as you are irrelevant. We are not saying these souls are irrelevant. They have catalyzed your growth. You may love them very much. However, we are saying that their opinions of you are irrelevant to your choices and your earthly journey.

No one gets to define you except you. No one except you gets to decide what is right for you. No one except you gets to choose the experiences you get to create and the path you walk to reach them. You are in charge of your life, and it is time to stop trying to please others and to please the Divine within.

You will discover that as you stop trying to please others who want you to please them, you'll attract those you naturally resonate with and those you naturally, please. You may lose a few people along the way. Some may no longer understand you or want to be with you because you no longer serve them at your own expense. Let them go.

There is a natural order to life if you allow for it. If you let yourself be you, then you will naturally be guided toward those who love you as you are. You were never meant to please everyone else. You were never meant to make everyone happy. In truth, it is not your job to make anyone feel anything.

Grant yourself the freedom to be you! In this reality, you will find happiness because nothing is more satisfying than remaining true to your own spirit without the need to justify, convince, or defend your right to be. As you give up the need to please and have others please you, suddenly, you will discover you are pleased more often. In this space, you will inevitably attract those with whom you have a mutual and natural dance of harmony here on Earth.

God Bless You! We love you so very much.
-- The Angels

Message from Ann

Hi Everyone,

I have talked to many people over the years, and a lot lately, who feel they are suddenly less compassionate. Frequently nothing could be further from the truth. We're all learning to be more compassionate with ourselves. If treating yourself as kindly as you've always treated others is new, it can be quite an adjustment.

There is often a period of getting used to your new boundaries. During this period, putting your priorities first, honoring your feelings, and choosing your limits are often uncomfortable. There is a tendency to get defensive in this growth phase, to over-explain decisions, and even to get raging mad when someone wants something from you that you no longer wish to give.

I jokingly call this the "boundary bat" phase. Years ago a friend who used to be so accommodating that she didn't even know how to take care of herself, went through a phase of learning to honor her own heart and treat herself more kindly. During that phase she was often raging mad at anyone she perceived who was asking something from her that she didn't feel like doing! To lighten things up, we bought her a big green wiffle bat and labeled it the "boundary bat" to remind her that she didn't have to beat everyone else up to make healthy choices for herself! It was a joke among us for years.

Every time I go through a new growth cycle and learn to honor the Divine within at deeper levels, I have to watch myself. I have to remember that we're all innocent. No one is trying to take advantage of me. If I give, I voluntarily choose to do that. If I no longer want to, I choose that. I no longer have to justify, explain, or defend my right to be.

When you read this I'll be on the last day of a family visit. The love we have grown and nurtured between us is stunning and beautiful. It wasn't always this way. We are a strong-willed group of individuals –  each of us very right for ourselves. Years ago we thought we knew what was best for each other. We all went through a lot of pain and agony as a result! Those days are over. We live and let live. We don't try to fix or change each other. We offer rather than demand. We chose love.

The so-called dead I speak with daily taught me how to live. Every day I listen to people in heaven tell me what they felt they did right and what they could have done better. I listen to the loving triumphs and the regrets of the living. I decided years ago that I would not look back at the end of my life with regrets. I would own my choices. I would choose love and come from a place of truth. My soul made that choice quickly. My ego went kicking and screaming! 

I so desperately wanted to be right. I wanted everyone to "get" me. I wanted everyone to "support" me. I wanted everyone to say, "Yes Ann, you're so wise!" I thought my "lovability" was tied to my usefulness, so when a family member didn't solicit or even want my help, it was like a slap to my ego. They were just themselves. I was just needy for validation! Yikes. I would have argued to the death that this wasn't the case years ago, but now it seems obvious.

I remember the weekend I decided to wrestle my inner "demons" to the ground once and for all. I had recently become furious at someone close who had expressed their disappointment that I didn't comply with their wishes. I didn't want to be angry, and I didn't want to feel a need to defend my right to be me. I wanted emotional freedom and was finally ready for the work it would take to get there.

I went on a four-day vacation and decided that this was it! I would let myself feel every bit of sadness, insecurity, anger, fear, you name it, and then emerge triumphant. I brought clothes, food, a well-loved spiritual book, and a computer to journal in –  no phone, no internet, no distractions. I locked myself in where I was staying and let it fly.

I let myself rage and steam about everything I perceived everyone else had done wrong. I vented and ranted about my own inability to make peace. In my journal, I gave voice to all the angry, unpleasant, and horrid things I didn't mean and would never say out loud. As I banged at the keyboard, it was so therapeutic to let me be myself, even if "me at the moment" felt pretty ugly and unacceptable by any social or spiritual standards.

Eventually, the inner thunder subsided, and the sadness came. I sobbed and sobbed, feeling guilt, shame, and self-pity. At long last, that storm ran out of rain too, and I was left feeling absolutely empty. Who was I without defending myself constantly? Who would I be if I didn't care what anyone else thought? Who was I without the fight, the argument, and, oh God help me, the poor-me-nobody-understands-me victim mentality? Ow. I took a good hard look at it all. Then the lights came on, and truth poured in. I could feel the angels.

I was simply another soul here on the earth, growing, learning, and evolving. I wasn't supposed to have it perfect. I'd done my best even if my best was not the best it could be now in this new moment. I had mercy on myself. I was able to acknowledge myself for the growth I had done. As I started to accept and love myself, the magic happened. I began to accept and love everyone else. I started to see people with compassion – even those who used to drive me stark raving mad.

After all, we were all doing our best. We all just wanted love. We all just wanted to be understood. At that moment, I felt love for myself, and it was a no-brainer to make a life-changing decision. I was going to love people as they were. I might not like them. I might not like their behavior, but I would see their souls as worthy of love no matter what. I would stop defending, justifying, and over-explaining myself. I would make decisions that felt right for me. I would let people be who they were.

The first time this got tested, I stood my inner ground. A person I cared about went on a rant about how I should change. I listened and simply said thank you. Thank you for sharing your truth with me. "What are you going to do?" they demanded. "Be me." I smiled. I didn't explain. I didn't justify. I didn't budge. And best of all, I didn't judge either myself or the other. It was freeing.

I now remain true to my heart nearly all of the time. There are, as a result, several people on this earth whose bad behaviors have become irrelevant to me. The relationships with the people who matter most are now precious gems that will never be taken for granted again. The healing started when I stopped caring what anyone thought and decided to simply accept, love, and please myself first. As a result, the boundary bat is no longer required!

Here are a few tips to help you release the need to please others and love yourself as is...

1. Tend to your own self-opinion

If you are kind to yourself, you won't require so much from others. If you learn to validate yourself, you won't need validation from others. If you learn to trust yourself, you won't need everyone else's opinion. While having these things from others is wonderful, depending on them is not a great idea. It puts you at their mercy.

Congratulate yourself on your good ideas when you have them. Acknowledge yourself for your good deeds. Be kind to yourself when you're uncertain or feel you've messed up. The more you care about yourself and give yourself the support, validation, and encouragement you want from others, the less you'll be at the mercy of others' opinions. Make your own opinion about you matter most of all.

2. Please The Divine within before you attempt to please others

When you remain true to the love within you, you will ultimately please the souls of all involved, whether or not you satisfy their egos. For example, you may have to decline an invitation in order to take care of yourself, but in the end, you'll be happier and avoid feeling resentful, which the other person wouldn't really want.

To be true to yourself, you may choose to do something that someone you love disagrees with. Ultimately, you'll be happier and more pleasant to be around, and the others will have to look within to see why they need you to change for them to be satisfied. If they're willing, they can learn greater self-empowerment.

Being true to you is being true to the Divine within. It will ultimately serve the growth and lessons of all souls involved.

3. Ask yourself often, "Would I rather be popular or happy?"

Most of us would say, "Both!" Of course! When you look at why you want others to approve of you, the answer is that you want to be happy. It feels good when people approve, validate, support, and celebrate you!

However, when they don't, we risk feeling miserable if we depend on the opinions of others. Choose true, lasting happiness which comes from accepting yourself as you are.

Far from making you selfish, pleasing the Divine within and choosing your joy gives you the energy and the capacity to serve even more. When we try to satisfy others at our own expense, we rob the world of our light.

This week, permit yourself to please yourself, even if that means disappointing someone else. In the long run, the people who love you will still love you, and those who need you to do what they want to love you will fall away. This is freedom.

Have a blessed week :)
Love,
Ann

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