In the Aftermath

Lying awake, last night with a knot in my stomach and thoughts of horrible scenarios tumbling around in my mind.

I actually felt like I don’t want to stay on this planet anymore. I just wanted to be out of here. I thought of the painting I just started and how excited I was to get into it and suddenly felt like there’s no point. There’s no point to making art or to working on the wonderful fantasy fiction stories that are bubbling up inside me. No point to anything. This terrified me. And then the thoughts of things that could happen to people in the United States. People who just want to live their lives and be happy. People who are vulnerable or are targets because of their lifestyle choices. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I thought of all the other people who were also lying awake, crying, feeling despair and I realized I’m not alone in the dark at 3am, feeling this hellish feeling. There are so many of us who are in shock.

Then I tuned in to my heart, I asked for guidance, and the wise, calm inner voice answered, telling me to tune into love. To find that love in my heart and to amplify it. Over and over again I tumbled from love to fear and back to love. And back to fear. There was a dog in the bed near me and that was sweet. Then a cat came and curled up by my tummy and that was sweet. Then the sky began to get light and I didn't want to get up and face the day. But I did.

What is it to really love? In the face of darkness, to be in love. To BE love. To be within love. This is our mission. And this isn’t over. There is something that is very wrong about this outcome. I feel a glimmer of hope that something will be revealed.

But no matter what, I will not allow this darkness to douse out my light. I will make art and I will write and I will do my best to bring myself back into the frequency, the feeling of love over and over again. We are still here and we can still make a difference by being within love, having compassion and gratitude for this beautiful Earth, and not giving up on the goodness that is in the hearts of most of humanity. I feel you out there with all my heart

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